India baby... !! :)

I can't believe I have waited so long to write about my India trip. I've been really busy since our return, lots going on, especially with my new job and the holidays.  No reason, no excuse, I just need to learn to prioritize.  Anywho...

Myself, Joe, Narissa, Nirup, Smyrna, Praneeth, Beth, Brad, Hannah and Shirley

The trip was absolutely amazing!!  I'll skip the details about almost missing our flight out of Chicago, about how we had to run all the way to board the train. I'll also skip the part about how the person leading our trip had to fly out a day later then we did because of an expired visa, lol.  I'm even going to skip the part about how the 7 of us land in Chennai, India (6 of us with luggage) at 4:30am, with our van nowhere in sight, the only one that knows the language is flying out a day later, being surrounded by the locals trying to give us a ride, not having a contact number for those who were suppose to pick us up...I'm not even going to tell you about how bad I had to go the bathroom and the only bathroom in the airport was isolated from anything AND anyone else, about how there was just a few men standing around there, or that the floor was soaking wet and of course not any toilet paper.  Nope, not going to tell you about all that. I will tell you though that after about 30-40 minutes or so of waiting, looking for our van drivers they did show up.  We loaded up and headed to the YWCA, where we stayed while we were there.  The traffic in India was unbelievable.  No matter how hard I tried there is just no way of describing it.  What should be a 2-lane street is a 4-way street, constant beeping, you could literally reach out and shake hands with the people in the vehicle next to you. A "bump" by your neighbor would typically just warrant a wave and mouthing the words, "I'm sorry," but in Tamil, not English of course. During the drive to the Y, my eyes are glued to the city, the traffic, the people, the buildings, the garbage everywhere, the animals roaming free, the noise, etc.  It was like nothing I've ever seen. What in the world are so many people doing out and about at 5:30am?  Now this is a city that never sleeps.  To give you some sort of idea on the population of Chennai; in New York City, there are approximately 2,050 people per sq km, in Chennai there are 14,350 per sq km.  Crazy crowded huh?!  Watch where you walk, seriously.

I could write a book on my experience there, so I'll try to keep it as minimal as possible.  Our accommodations at the Y weren't bad at all.  There is a high cement wall all the way around the grounds, a gate at the entrance, along with a 24 hour security guard.  The grounds were beautiful, very well maintained with a tree out front that I feel in love with. I was dying to climb it. In the mornings I would sit out by the tree on a bench and do my devotions. If you know anything about me, you know I love nature!

Told ya it was a cool tree!! :) 

Branthi and Kaveri

Every morning our driver would pick us up and take us wherever we needed to go before heading to the Home of Love aka: the home (the orphanage).  The girls...OMGoodness, they were amazing!!  I think about them now and I still tear up.  I miss them terribly.  I seemed to connect better with the younger girls, 8 and under.  Everyday when we would arrive the ladies would serve us lunch while the girls were in school. After getting to know a few of the girls it was really hard for me to not march upstairs while they were in class just so I could sit with them. I couldn't wait for them to get out of school so I could see them and spend time with them.  Our time with the girls was spent doing many things.  We played games, puzzles, memory games, board games, several craft projects, outside we would play dodge ball, cricket, play on the playground, just sit and talk or let them braid for my hair for the hundredth time. Our group also spent a few hours for 2 days painting their classrooms, but other then that it was pretty much girl time while we were at the Home. It only took about a day to become very attached to a few of the girls. I could have easily brought home a handful of them. 

Branthi and Maya

We would leave the Home around 6:30pm every evening.  Depending on traffic it would take us around an hour or so to back to the Y.  It wasn't unusual to take an hour and a half.  To me it felt like 15 minutes.  I can't explain it, but I was totally fascinated with this city, ALL of it!  I was always glad when no one else wanted to sit up front, so I could.  While everyone else would relax and sleep on the ride back I would be wide awake, soaking up everything that I possibly could. It was comical to see the reaction from the locals.  We were always stuck in traffic and like I said before, we were very close to the vehicles next to us.  They would look at us, look away and then it was like they realized they just saw white people and they would whip their head back around to look at us again.  It would be easy to think that many of them weren't very friendly, because you don't see them smile very often.  I didn't know one word in their language, but there are at least 2 signs that are universal no matter where you are.  A smile and a wave.  They may look at you like you're a foreigner, but I can't recall one of them that did not wave when I waved or smiled back when I smiled. We went to the beach one day and as we were walking back to the van, our guide/leader from our church group, Nirup (who lived in India till he was 14) started laughing. He said a lady that was walking towards us with her son said, "Look, white people." Lol. Twice we ran into a group of people that wanted a picture with us.  Once at the beach and another time at a shopping mall.  It was fun to see their reaction to us.

I can't speak for the others, but not once did I feel scared, unsafe or even nervous while over there. Walking down the street was probably the unsafest thing we did.  You definitely had to watch where you were walking.  Many times the sidewalk was so broke up we had to walk in the street. Other times there was just so much litter or even someone sleeping on the sidewalk that you had to walk around. So not only did you have to watch where you stepped, you also had to watch where you were going and watch the traffic coming at you or behind you.  Crossing the street was hilarious.  I think we counted on the others in our group to be our eyes in the back and side of our head.

Our time there went way to quick.  I wasn't ready to leave the girls.  I wasn't ready to say good-bye. I wasn't ready to leave, but the time came anyway.  I tried really hard to not cry in front of the girls.  I think I would have made if it hadn't been for 2 of the girls I was clinging too hadn't started crying.  My tears started falling shortly after seeing their tears. By the time I had to leave, all 5 of us were crying. It was so hard to tear myself away from them and walk away.

I've had several people ask me if it was life changing. I'm not always sure how to answer that question.  I'm not sure what kind of answer they're looking for.  Did it change my life?  Sure it did. I've always seen how we take our health for granted, how we take our relationships for granted and so many other things, but until you experience something like this it's just not possible for me to explain to anyone how many other things we take for granted.  Things that we don't even think about.  I won't complain about a public bathroom in america again that's for sure, lol. They aren't in a hurry to get anywhere over there.  As crazy as the traffic is over there you don't see road rage either, not like you would here anyway.  Why are we always in a hurry?  Have you ever been in such a hurry you sped by someone, giving them a dirty look as you drive by cause they are going so slow or they did something to tick you off, only to get to the next stop light and have that exact same car sitting right next to you at the light? Yeah, we're really not getting anywhere any quicker then the next car, but I guarantee you, YOU are the one that's ticked off, stressed out and in a bad mood, NOT the one you flew by cause they weren't driving how you liked.  So slow down, quit complaining and enjoy the ride of life.  Enjoy the scenery, enjoy your quiet time, hug your family, fall in love, count the stars... and whatever you do, take the time to smile at a stranger. We have to slow down and quit taking so many things for granted. We can't ever know what others are going through.  That person in front of you driving to slow or not paying close attention, may have just lost their job, found out their spouse is cheating, lost a loved one, got in a fight with their spouse, boss, parents or their kids, the list goes on and on.  I'm ranting now...  Just be patient and realize everyone handles things in a different way. No matter how fast or slow we get there, we all end up in the same place, so you might as well enjoy the trip there!!  I'm totally ranting and getting off subject here.  :)

I better quit before this blog post turns into a chapter book.

I don't feel that going back is an option, I feel it's a necessity.  I can't imagine not being able to see those girls again.

Till next time...Slow down...Love life...Be YOUtiful...Have a very happy and safe New Year!! :)

Mark 16:15 (NIV) He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.

"If we move through life too fast and fail to slow down and appreciate life, we will miss out on what God has in store for us.  We must wait on Him and let him guide us." 

My hearts a racin'...

Today was the day!!  The day I was to give my testimony in my Connections class at church.  I was actually looking forward to writing it all out and sharing my story. I started working on it almost 2 weeks ago.  When I first started writing it my thoughts were quick and my hands seemed to have it typed out before I had time to finish my thought. I was only about 5 or 6 sentences into it when the tears started and just like that, the thoughts that started coming so easily, stopped just as abruptly.  I was stumped, I couldn't write anymore.  I'm sure many that have given their testimony could possibly relate to what I'm talking about. Sometimes it's hard enough to be honest with ourselves, let alone to be so transparent with people you are just getting to know.  I could write what I wanted to say, but would I be able to read it out loud in front of 12 other people or even 1 for that matter?  Each day this past week I told myself I had to get working on it, but the procrastinator in me kept putting it off. That's what I told myself anyway, I think it was actually me not wanting to face it. I didn't want to spill my guts out on a piece of paper knowing I would have to share what I wrote.

Ugh!!  Fine!!  I have to do this.  I need to do this.  Finally Saturday night, I sat down to finish my story.  The short version of course.  Man oh man, this was harder then I ever dreamed it would be.  I could have skipped part of it, but the part that I wanted to skip would help explain why I was the way I was.  That part of the story was where the scars in me first developed.  I couldn't skip it, I had to share it.

Sunday morning worship service was great as usual.  As he so often does, Pastor Mike spoke directly to me.  I really wish he would quit doing that, people are gonna start to talk. Have I mentioned that I tend to tear up pretty easily these days?  Goodness, I remember priding myself on being this super strong (ha) woman who rarely ever cried (which I've learned is nothing to brag about). Anywho...sometimes it's just tearing up, sometimes it's crying and sometimes it's down right bawling my eyes out.  It's not usually out of sadness, unless I'm praying. Then by golly, I'm probably crying because I'm praying for YOU!  God is constantly moving me in someway or another.  I feel it, I sense it, I see it.  That's what gets me to tearing up.  In Connections class a couple of weeks ago I asked, "When did I get to be such a cry baby?" They laughed, cause they get it. :)   "Alright God, I get it, but can I please have just one day, one Sunday without smearing my mascara?"

My heart is pounding! I'm praying. I'd seriously like to pass out right now!! I'm praying more.  I can't read, I can hardly breath!! I'm praying harder!! Oh no, it's my turn!!  "I'm a bundle of nerves," I tell them.  She stops me right there and ask one of the ladies to pray for me.  I listen...I take a deep breath...followed by several more.  I think I need a paper bag to breath in.  Exhale, here I go.  Boy oh boy, did the tears start to come, but I kept reading.  I was so nervous I had to read it or I would have been all over the place. I did it!! I'm done!!  Whew!!  I was so glad I went first, otherwise I probably would have passed out from my nerves by the time it was my turn. Without a doubt in my mind, I knew not one of them in there thought any less of me for what they heard in my story.

"Pride is often used as a way to protect our hearts and to hide the truth.  Pride causes us to shut down and build walls."

Do you realize what is less then a week away? INDIA baby!!  Can I get a woot-woot?!!  Oh wow it's sneaking up on me,  you may not hear from me for awhile.

Till we meet again...Be YOUtiful and have amazing days!! :)

Mark 5:19 (NIV) ...Jesus said, “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.”

My amusement park...

Welcome to what I should now call, My Diary...

Do you ever wonder how we can, or why do we, experience so many emotions in such a short time frame? I had a fantastic week and saw God working in my life in so many ways.  One example: A couple of weeks ago I was asked by a friend of mine that owns a bar, if I was interested in working for her a night or two on the weekend.  I've worked for her in the past when she knew she was going to have a busy night and would need the extra help. Initially I thought it would be great.  I would love the extra money. I'm still a child in so many ways when it comes to being a Christian, so I reached out to a Christian friend of mine for advice.  I sent her a message to get her opinion, but before getting back with me I came up with my answer.  Sometimes we just need quiet time with God to find our answers.  Extra money or not, I knew I had to turn the job offer down.  After talking with God about it, my answer became very clear.  Sometimes we have, ...aha moments...well this was one of those, ...duh...moments. It's pretty simple really, I have come to far and changed to much, to do anything to jeopardize that or tempt me in ways that I can avoid. Whatever do you mean Stephanie? :)   Well...when I made a commitment to follow Jesus, I knew there were things that I would have to give up.  I wasn't able to give them all up at once, somethings I am still, and will possibly always have to work on I'm sure.  If I were to work in a bar every weekend I would be tempted to smoke again, I would be tempted to sit around after work and have a drink or two or several with friends and maybe even more then that, there may be a cutie patootie that becomes interested in me and I become interested in him and before I know it I'm falling for a man that's not a Christian. Nope, not going to happen.  I know my limits. I also cared about how it would look to others, including my kids and also non-Christians, by me working in a bar. Turning down the job was the right decision. I knew God would provide. Now you may be wondering where this is all going.  Well, all this happened on a Monday.  The very next day I get another call for a job interview. I really hadn't even thought about a job with this company since I first applied with them OVER 8 months ago. Huh, is God trying to tell me something here?  Long story short, I went in for an interview, they loved me (of course, hehe) and offered me the job, which by the way, ended up being more then I had hoped for. Some of you may have heard me say this already, but this job is amazingly perfect for me!! So turning down one job and almost immediately being offered another, is just one way of how God has been working in my life lately.

So that was the upside of my emotional roller-coaster.  The downside, or self-pity side, happened as recently as today.  I love my church and really look forward to going each week.  Heck, by Sunday evening I'm already anxiously waiting for next Sunday to arrive. Not going doesn't even cross my mind anymore. In fact, not being there for 2 weeks in a row while I'm in India bums me out. I will definitely have to watch the podcast when I get home.  Anyway, I don't mind at all walking in alone or even sitting alone anymore, but today for some reason, I notice all the couples, all the families. Am I the only one here by myself? No biggie, I pushed the thought aside and enjoyed a great worship service, as it always is at Pine Hills. I'm still in the Connections class at church during the 11am service.  We're working on our testimonies, which has been harder for me then I thought it would be.  As much as I love this class and really enjoy the people in the class, I still have trust issues and I'm not real sure how much I'm ready to divulge. That's a story for another day.  As I'm listening to some of the testimonies I realize once again, how much I've missed out on by being a slacker and not making God center of my life before now. Then I look at the love and support that I see in the couples there and admittingly I become a little envious. Had I made this commitment 20 years ago or so, I wouldn't have had all the failed relationships that I've had. At times, guilt of how I lived my past still creep in and haunt me. Today was one of those days. I have to continue to remind myself that because of God's grace, I AM worthy and because of His mercy I AM forgiven. Did I get that right?  I often confuse the two, lol.  :) 

So with all that being said, I will continue to do my best to not live in the past, to not let the guilt of my past regrets get me down.  I'm living now, I'm living for God and I can't begin to express how excited I am about that. I'm happy, I'm content and I'm at peace!!  All I can do now is share my joy, my passion for God and my love of being a follower of Christ. By the way...I continue to share and choose to share the things that I do share on this blog because maybe, just maybe, someone that reads this has or is experiencing the same thing. 

Wowzers!!  2 weeks from today I'll be on my way to India!!  Speaking of, here is a link to the girls orphanage that we will be going to. http://www.homeofloveindia.com/

Till next time...Be great...Be YOUtiful...Have a fantastic week!! 

Hebrews 4:16,  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Psalm 23:6, Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,and I will dwell in the house of the Lord  forever.

Sunshine and Rainbows??

If you have followed along at all, you know that I am no longer a church hopper.  I have made Pine Hills my home church. When I started this whole journey back in April I never realized how much it would change me, but it has.  A lot!!  I knew I wanted more, I knew I craved more, I knew I wasn't completely happy.  Sure it was easy to say I was happy, even pretend to be happy, but deep down I wasn't.  I looked for happiness in everything and everyone other then where I should have been looking for it in the first place.  I knew I needed more God and I'd often heard about how God was able to bring happiness to those who would seek Him, but until I took that plunge I never realized just how much.  I was raised going to church. I first became a Christian when I was a teenager, but until this year if you were to ask me if I was a Christian I would struggle to answer that question.  I would avoid this question whenever I could.  I remember talking to a friend years ago about Christianity. We were in the one place where I swore I would never talk about God and Christianity...a bar!  Somehow though, we got on this subject. I remember telling her that if I were to get in a wreck and die on my way home that night, that I wouldn't go to heaven. I may have become a Christian as a teen and I've always been a good person, but I knew enough to know that it takes more then that. I never forgot that conversation and the feeling of knowing that if I were to die, that heaven wouldn't be my final destination. As sad as that made me feel, I still wasn't ready to do anything about it. I've been getting that "pull" more and more in the last few years.  This is it. It's a done deal and there will be no going back to the way I once was. I've never been so in love with God and I have never felt so at peace before.

We (aka: Pine Hills Church) moved into our new building a couple of weeks ago.  It's beautiful, but even more then that is the beauty I have found in the people inside of that building.  I've already thrown myself in the mix and started getting involved.  I'm going to the 9am service so that I can take a 10 week class about, 'How to study the Bible' during the 11am service. I'm really enjoying the class and really enjoying getting to know the others in the class.  This past week I surprised myself by saying more then I planned on saying.  Sometimes I just open my mouth and all these words come falling out. I teared up a couple of times.  Some while listening to others stories and other times because I felt moved. I smiled the whole way home though.  I'm also attending a class on Wed nights about Bible Foundations, but even better then that is my daughter is going to youth group on Wed nights.  Two weeks ago was the first Wed for both of us. As we were walking out I asked her if she had fun.  She says, "Surprisingly, yes!...and I even sang."  I was so excited.  The whole way home we talked about God, Jesus and the Bible.  Since I grew up going to church (many times a week) I take for granted some of things that I know.  I assume because I know these things that everyone does.  It really surprised me to hear that my own daughter knows so little. Guilt started to set in, but I pushed it away.  I can't change the past, but I can change the now.  I answered her questions the best that I could and then told her that there are somethings that we may end up learning together.  To say the least, I was stoked!!  I couldn't wait to get home and call my parents with the good news. 

Not everything is sunshine and rainbows.  I had someone this past week open up some old wounds. I was already in a melancholy mood that day, so when this all happened, it affected me in a way that I don't think it would have on any other day. I became upset, depressed, moody...  I put my iPod on to play nothing but Christian songs while I was working to try and help my mood. It did help, but several times I had to fight back tears. Finally the day was over, my boss dropped me off to my car.  I got in and immediately started bawling.  I cried and I cried and I cried, the whole time praying.  I was almost home and my phone rang.  I looked at the caller ID, it said, Pine Hills.  I cleared my throat, wiped away my tears, put on a smile and answered the phone.  I was expecting it to be about the India mission trip, so when it wasn't it took me a minute to figure out what it was about. Oh yeah...I had signed up to help with projects that needed done, mainly outdoor projects, at the church.  So he was calling to touch base about that.  You want to know the weird thing? After getting off the phone with him I was in a much better mood. I was smiling, my depressed mood had totally lifted.  It felt good to be a part of something and know that I could use my abilities to serve God. I immediately thanked God for leading me to Pine Hills Church. I had to laugh at myself.  I went from being depressed, moody and crying, to smiling and laughing in a 30 minute drive. God is so good !! He knew what I needed to lift my spirits.  

Mission trip...30 days away and counting.  :) 

Till next time...Be Great...Be YOUtiful...Enjoy the beautiful fall season God has given us.

P.S. I now don't care where I am when I talk about God and my faith. 

Psalms 30:2 (NKJV) O LORD my God, I cried out to You, And You healed me. 

Psalms 147:3 (NKJV) He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.

Church Hopper is Done Hopping!!

I've done it!!  I have found my home church and couldn't be more excited about it.  Drum roll please...my new home church is: Pine Hills Church (PHC)!! :) I think I've known all along that PHC is where I wanted to end up, but with them moving farther away from my house I fought it.  Last weekend I went to their new location, set my mileage and timed the drive to my house.  It was 11.3 miles and only took me 16 minutes.  By the way, the new church building is gorgeous.  I can't wait to have service there.  I'll be attending a class next weekend at PHC to learn more about the church and get connected with others that may be new. I'm hoping to also get set up with a small group at that time. I can't begin to explain to all of you just how excited I am to be on the spiritual path that I am on. When it comes to my faith, I won't be dragging my feet anymore. I'm ready for what God has in store for me.

I'm going to skip telling you about church and Pastor Mikes message this morning because I have something I am dying to share with everyone, and when I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE!!  Have you ever felt a calling, a pull or just a nudge to do something? This past spring I first felt that I was being pulled to look for a new home church. If you remember from my first blog, I was very nervous to do this, but I put on my big girl panties, threw up my hands and said, "Alright God, let's do this." With His help I found the courage I needed to face my fears.  I mentioned several times before, that I was church hopping all by myself.  Silly me...I was never alone.  God was right there with me each and every time.  I've also had another tug.  I remember talking with a friend this past summer about my church hops.  I mentioned to him that with each church I had visited recently I kept hearing talk of mission work.  Jokingly, his reply was, "Are you going to become a missionary now?"  I wasn't sure how to respond to that question, so I didn't, but yeah, I was starting to feel a pull in that direction. A couple of weeks ago I mentioned to another friend that when my daughter was out of school I may look into doing mission work.  He just happened to have information about Pine Hills and a mission trip that they had coming up.  Huh, imagine that!!  God works in mysterious ways.  I looked at the information and saw that the following Sunday they were going to be having a meeting for anyone that would be interested in the trip to attend.  Ahh man, I wanted to go to that meeting, but I didn't know if I would have the courage to go.  I thought about if for a couple of days.  I told him and I told my mom to pray for me to find the courage to stay after church and attend that meeting.  Well that was last Sunday and I did find that courage!  I went to the meeting, filled out the application, turned it back in and today after service I found out my application was accepted.  So folks, I AM going to India!!  I cried the whole way home from church.  I called my mom crying and had to tell her right away that I was crying happy tears so she wouldn't worry before I could get the words out to tell her why I was crying. We, the Mission Team (wow, I'm on a mission team!) already had our first meeting today. The trip is in November, for 2 weeks, to an orphanage for girls called, Home of Love. We will have the pleasure of helping the girls learn English, arts and crafts, Bible lessons, games, etc.  I'm not sure any of you could possibly imagine just how excited I am. So now I have so much to do.  I'm going to start by writing a support letter to mail out to several friends and family asking for either financial and/or prayer support for the trip. So don't be surprised if you get a letter from me. I have a feeling I'll be losing a lot of sleep between now and the time of the trip. So if you start praying for me now,  please pray for sleep.  :)

Oh my, I have to get started on my letter!!  I may be done hopping but you're still going to hear from me.  I have a feeling I'm going to have so much more to talk about.  God is so good!!

Till next time...Be great...Be YOUtiful...Have a superb week !!

Isaiah 6:8 “Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.”


1 Chronicles 16:24 Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous works among all the peoples!

Hop, hop, hop...

I've noticed with this blog I tend to just blurt things out, personal things, that I wouldn't normally talk about, to ANYone. I've always been better at writing down my feelings instead of trying to talk about them. Guess that's why I tend to ramble in these blogs.  Last week I said, "If anyone gets a bright idea to call me out on my comment about being lonely, please don't." Well some of you didn't listen to me very well.  I can't fault any of my friends for trying to reach out to me.  After all, I do have some great friends.  It's not easy for me to talk openly about things I am feeling, but keeping them in does me no good either.  I'm trying. I'm working on it.  I'm praying about it. It's not easy changing something about ourselves that we've done for so long.

I don't think I ever mentioned this in any of my past blogs, but back in May of this year I recommitted myself and my life to God. Since then I've wondered, is it mandatory that when our faith grows stronger we are faced with more challenges in our life? I feel I've been faced with my fair share, but I've also noticed how I was able to face them differently now, then I would have before.  Better now of course. Recently I was faced with something that I really hadn't thought much about until I had no choice, but to face it. Have you ever heard the saying, "Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out!!?" In certain situations I have often felt that I didn't fit in, nor do I feel I was ever the type to try to fit in. I'm not saying it doesn't bother me when I realize that I don't fit in, but I'd rather be liked or even not liked for who I AM then to be liked for someone that I'm NOT.  I mentioned in a previous blog that I contacted both churches about their Life Groups.  One of the reasons that I am so anxious to get involved in a Life Group is because I need/want that interaction with other Christians and I realized that even more this past week.  I won't go into great detail but I had a situation this past week when I realized where I once fit in, I no longer fit in. As sad as I was to realize this, I realized it was for the best. I've grown as a Christian and as a person.  I won't ever turn my back on any of my friends and family whose beliefs are different then mine, but hanging out with them like I have before will have to change. The situation I'm referring too involves alcohol. We always have to be prepared for His return and how would it look if I was drinking and had a buzz when that happened?? "I'm sorry God, but I'm a little tipsy right now.  Do you think you could come back later?" Oh yeah, that would go over well.  Instead of rejoicing in His return or running to be with Him, I would want to crawl under a rock and hide from Him. As I'm hiding I'd be thinking...Ahh man!!  He's going to notice my eyes are bloodshot!!  I just know he's going to smell it on my breath!!  I didn't recommit myself to God for Sunday's only or for "show."  What if the topic of religion and/or Christianity came up during this time?  How could I say I'm a woman of God, proclaim my love for Him, all while slurring my speech?  During the many years of me sliding down my giant slide and ignoring anything God wanted me to do, do you know what the biggest turn off for me has been? Christians that, "talk the talk", but don't "walk the walk." I'm not saying any of this will be easy for me, but I know it'll be easier with God and the right people in my life. Goodness, that sounds kind of bad. I love ALL my friends and family!!  What I mean by that is, if I feel my faith is being tested it will be other Christians that I reach out too. I hope that sounds better.

Now that I'm completely off topic of what my blog is about (as usual), today was a Pine Hills Church day. With daughter in tow we headed to the 10:45am service, which by the way will be moved to 11am when they move to their new location  (with slushies) on October 7th. Once upon a time, not so long ago, I would be totally "over" singing more then 2 songs at the beginning of service.  Now...I absolutely love singing!!  I'm not even sure if we sang 3 or 4 this morning before Pastor Mike's message. Anywho, it doesn't matter to me anymore, I don't dread standing and singing the whole time anymore.  I didn't even have to lean over and tell my daughter to stand back up while singing.  She stood the whole time with no complaining or heavy sighing. :) When we first got there my daughter says, "Mom, look at all these old people. Where are all the cute guys?" I told her I was sure there would be some. While the Praise Band was playing I noticed one of the guitar players looked like he was about 16, 17 years old.  I nudged my daughter and said, "Hey, that guitar player is cute." She smiled and nodded. Apparently, she had already noticed him. :)

Today Pastor Mike talked about finding your life verse.  A "life verse" is a verse or short passage from the Bible you claim as a rallying cry to guide and focus the current season in your life. It's a truth or challenge straight from God's Word that rings true for you at this time. He went on to share that his life verse is,
1 Corinthians 15:58 (KJV).  He told the story of why it was his life verse of over 13 years and then he broke down the verse for us, helping us make sense of almost every word in the verse.  I don't think I'll ever read that verse again without hearing his explanation of what it means. Here is the verse in King James Version: "Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord." Okay, normally you hear pastors refer to the New International Version (NIV), it's much easier to understand, that could be one reason why my spell check is telling me several of those words are misspelled, lol.  But anyway, Pastor Mike learned that verse years ago in KJV so that's how he referred to it today. He spent the whole service breaking it down for us.  I will spend about 30 seconds.
Stedfast: Stand firm on the word of God. Don't let YOUrself be moved.
Unmoveable: Don't let someone or something move you.
Abounding: Excel, be superior !!
Vain: Empty
Now reread that verse with those definitions. Makes much more sense doesn't it? He read from 1 Corinthians quite a bit.  At one point I read ahead and look what I found, 1 Corinthians 15:33-Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character." Well what do ya know...wasn't I just talking about that?  Just thought I'd share that. Anyway, I don't have my "life verse" yet, but you better believe I'll be looking for one now and memorizing it.  It's fun to get excited about things like this.

Well folks, I'll be attending Pine Hills again next week.  I'll be praying a little more heavy this week, please say a prayer for me as well.  As far as quitting my hopping and making a commitment to one church or the other, I'm finally feeling that pull that I've been hoping I would feel.  Unfortunately, you'll have to wait until at least next week for me to tell you or even give you a hint as to which one it may be.  :)

Thanks again for reading. I know this one was a long one.  Until next week...
Be great...Be YOUtiful...Have a fantastic week !!

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be a new and different person with a fresh newness in all you do and think. Then you will learn from your own experience how his ways will really satisfy you. Romans 12: 2

In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success. Proverbs 3: 5-6 

Beginning to narrow it down...

Hey there.  You know those weekends when you look back at the past week and wonder where it went? Yeah, I had one of those weeks.  Do you ever have a week that you just can't wait for it to be over?  Yeah, I had one of those weeks too.  Do you ever feel so lonely that instead of reaching out you just want to crawl under a rock and ignore everyone?  Yeah, I had one of those weeks.  Do you ever think to yourself that maybe, just maybe you aren't meant to be happy?  Yeah, I had one of those weeks. Too personal? Yeah, probably. It's easy to pretend to be happy, it's easy to smile even when we don't want to and it's really easy to do both at the same time to avoid anyone asking you what's wrong.  Where do we look for happiness?  Well I can only speak for myself, but I tend to look for it in others. I enjoy being alone, even love being alone at times, but when it comes down to it I'd much rather have someone to share my time with (I think).  When you're alone for so long it's not easy to share your time and space with someone else, or is it? When we do have someone to count on it's easy to take that person for granted.  Sometimes I don't really realize how alone I am until I've had a really bad day or I get a phone call with bad news, or the kids are driving me crazy, etc...I look around and realize I have no one to vent to, no shoulder around to cry on, no arms around to hold me.  That's when the loneliness kicks in and with loneliness comes the feeling of being unhappy.  I have a friend that told me recently that he can tell when I'm happy.  He says, when I'm not happy he doesn't hear from me very often and when I'm happy I tend to call him more often. Huh, after thinking about that I realize it's true.  It's easy to hide what you're really feeling if you don't talk to anyone.  Well, now I'm getting way to personal and if anyone gets the bright idea to call me out on this loneliness thing, please don't, cause then I'll start ignoring your phone calls or text messages even more then I already do, lol.  :)

This weekend I decided to go to Central Church and I also decided it was time to start taking my daughter.  She's not your typical teenage girl. I wake her up close to an hour before we have to leave. About 5 minutes later she's ready and says, "When we leaving?"  Lol, gotta love that girl.  We get to church, sit down, look around and for the first time ever I notice all these cute little teenage boys walking around.  Where did they all come from?  I haven't seen them before.  So while we wait for church to start my daughter and I are like, "Oh look at him, he's cute. Oh so is he and him..."  Then I tell my daughter maybe I should decide what church to go to based on the amount of cute teenage boys, lol.  Then I tell her maybe she could get involved in the youth group.  She says, "Mother, I will go to church with you but I'm not going to go to youth group."  Hmm, "Well what if a cute boy ask you to go with him?"  "Well then I might go," she says.  Again...ya gotta love that girl.  I just realized I don't remember if we had the usual meet and greet.  I'm sure we did, cause every church in this hop has done it.  I think I'm just getting so use to it now that it doesn't bother me and I don't feel like it's totally taking me out of my comfort zone anymore.  In case you forgot, the pastor at Central is Pastor Jeremy.  I'm sure I've said it before, but I do really enjoy him.  He's doing a series on, "You might be surprised what Jesus says about..."   Well golly, guess what it was about this week??  Being HAPPY!!  Seriously !!  I did take notes, but looking at them now I notice I didn't take as many as usual.  I must have been really engrossed in his message.  Oh hey, guess what I did??  We were sitting in back (as usual) well at this church there is the back row, with lots of room for people to walk around behind the back row and then there is a row against the wall.  Well there were a couple of ladies talking and talking and whispering sitting in the row against the wall.  They were behind me and driving me CRAZY!!  So I very politely turn around and just smile at them.  I didn't say anything, didn't need too.  The look and smile was enough to let them know that they needed to hush, lol.  Yep, I'm one of those people.  Okay, back to the service. A few of my notes are:
*Happy people are dependent on God. ( I fail at this)
*Do I bring Him joy? ( Yes, but I can bring Him more)
*Are you dependent on God, all day, every day? ( Poo, I failed again)
Seriously, why do we always look for happiness everywhere but where we should?  I struggle with all 3 of these things on a daily basis.  I tell myself all the time that I am dependent on God, but if that were true then why do I find myself questioning or worrying about things that I shouldn't? Everything, absolutely everything about us and around us is from God.  Boy how I take advantage of that. How insulting it must be to Him when we look in the mirror and see everything we don't like about ourselves physically. He made us to be just the way we are inside and out. Goodness, I can't imagine putting that much thought into making something to only be insulted about it later.  I'd give up. Okay, I need to finish this up.  Next week I'll be attending Central Church again. I'd already made up my mind to attend there 2 weeks in a row and it just so happens that this past message on being happy is continued this coming week.  So that worked out well.

This blog has brought up some interesting conversations with friends. I'm really amazed at how many friends that say they aren't "religious" are reading this blog. This past week I really enjoyed talking with one friend about my search. He was raised with religion being forced down his throat and as he got older he went the total opposite way and wants nothing to do with it now.  One of the things he said to me last week was this,

I hope you find your place of worship, the key is not the place, but where you feel comfortable. Be you, period. If they love you, they will welcome you, if not, they can piss off. Just don't ever be anything other than who you are. You need to be loved for who you are, not what you can become. Not who you can make happy, but make yourself happy. You seem to be a pretty awesome human, you will make the right choice. I hope you find your happiness too, hope you find the love that you deserve from those who deserve to know you.  Much love!!!

No one can tell me that man is not spiritual. I would love to post our whole conversation but for obvious reasons I won't. Don't judge anyone for any reason, but this man is one that you really can't judge by his cover.  Rough on the outside but pure mush and gold on the inside. So with that...

Be great, Be YOUtiful and have a fantastic week !!

 Psalm 118:24 
"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

James 5:13 
"Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise." 

Still hopping

I'm still church hopping even though I haven't blogged about it for awhile.  I really enjoy writing down my experiences.  I've had a lot of, "a-ha" moments, and I've also had a few people say they miss reading about them.  So for those few people and for myself I'm going to do my best to keep up with it.  I'm really super excited to say that my church hopping and writing about it has helped a good friend of mine find a new home church.  I won't say which church he choose, but I'm really excited for him.  He's finding his way back to church and he thanked me for helping him do that.  I can't even begin to describe how thrilled I am for him.  I love hearing the enthusiasm in his voice about God, his faith and church.  So there's a major bonus that has come out of my church hopping.

I mentioned in the last blog that I have it narrowed down to two churches, Pine Hills and Central.  I've been going back and forth between the two and unfortunately, there is nothing pulling me towards one over the other.  I love everything about both churches.  Pine Hills will be moving in September and at that time they will be about 15 minutes farther from me then they are now Which is a real bummer, but I heard when they move they will have a slushie machine. Instead of singing my heart out with coffee breath, I could be singing with blue teeth and a blue tongue.  :) 

I've been to so many services since I last blogged I'm not sure which one to talk about.  How about I talk about the 2 that have really stuck in my head.  Ya know those church services that you go to and you could swear the Pastor must have been spying on you all week to know exactly what YOU needed to hear? Yeah, that seems to happen to me a lot lately. A few weeks ago I went to Pine Hills and the message was about marriage.  Ugh!!  I'm not even married so why would I want to sit and listen to a message about it??!!  Wowzers!! I loved it.  I took so many notes I ran out of room and had to find something else to write on. I really wish I would have blogged that week so I could fill this one up on just that one service, but I have another one to talk about so I won't do that to you. Here are a few of my notes though: 

*Marriage is a covenant not a contract. -A covenant is for the other person.  -A contract is for yourself. 

   -Contracts are temporary. -A covenant is unconditional love.  Not "If-thens!"  "IF" you do this, "THEN" I will do that. (this girl...guilty)  

*Don't be a file cabinet forgiver.  I think most of us have been guilty of this.  We tend to tell someone they are forgiven but at a later time we bring it back up.  That's not forgiveness.  All that's doing is letting the other person know that you can't be trusted.  "I'll forgive you, but if I ever get the chance you better believe I will bring it back up again!"  Alright Pastor Mike, you can quit talking to me now. You know what else Pastor Mike said?? He tells the married couples to have sex often and enjoy it.  Did I just hear an "Amen" from someone in the back? lol  I could go on and on about this service but I have another one to talk about. 

Last week I went to Central. On my way to church I was ready to snap, I was so angry at someone.  Had what happened any other time then when I was on my way to church it would have been ugly.  I was pushed to the limit and wanted to lash out at this person. I fought back tears as I walked into church, the whole time telling myself, "2 can play this game."  Well goodness gracious...here we go again.  Pastor Jeremy was talking directly to me.  What's with these guys? How do they do that? All I can say is, "Thank you God." The message was on the difference between being proud and being humble. The whole service spoke to me and yeah, I took many notes again.  As proud humans what's the first thing we tend to do when someone hurts us? Stomps on us? Attacks our ego?  I for one find it easier to lash back out at them AND defend myself. Come on now, we're not suppose to let someone attack us like that are we?  So here's what I learned and once again, perfect timing.  When someone stomps on our ego, continue to praise them and not defend ourselves.  I really wish I would have blogged this week as well. I could fill this blog up on this message. So in other words...I didn't play anyone's game. I didn't lash out.  I thought about it.  I prayed about it. Some people may see this as a sign of weakness but it's actually just the opposite. Not defending yourself when spoken badly about or retaliating with harsh words of your own is the easy thing to do. It takes strength to praise them and/or walk away. The situation I was in would have ended up so much worse had I went with my first instinct of hurting someone because they hurt me. It wouldn't have solved anything and I personally would have felt so much worse.  A few weeks ago I said on facebook, "It's easy to be nice to people we like. It takes skill to be nice to people we don't like." Oh how very true.  So I'll continue to work on being kind and humble.  It's so much more rewarding !!  

Thanks for sticking around and reading my blog.  I'm not sure which one of the two churches I will be attending next week.  I have contacted both of the churches to inquire about their Life Groups. I'm looking forward to being more involved with a church and that includes being in a small group bible study. So hopefully I will hear back from both of them soon about the different groups that they have to offer. 

Be great,  Be YOUtiful and Enjoy your week !! :)

"You can't brag that your humble and be humble." 

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. -James 4:10 

5th Church Hop

Miss me?   Yes, I'm still church hopping.  Last Sunday on Father’s Day I went to church at my current home church to be with my awesome 2^nd dad and I’m so glad I did.  My mom was sick so she wasn’t there and both of my sisters had other plans so they were unable to be there.  My nephew was planning on being there to be with my dad-bill, but he ended up not being able to attend either, so it was just me.  Woo-hoo!!  I was the good daughter for the day.  Told him I should get brownie points for that.  I was just glad to be there with him for church and then dinner after.  The same day I went to church again that afternoon at Gospel Community.  This is the church that I first attended back in the fall, that I really enjoyed but they recently had to change their time of service to 5pm on Sundays. I just can’t see myself getting up and going to church when the Colts have a 4pm game. So for this reason I will not make this my home church due to the time of their service. Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying the Colts are more important then God, but I like my lazy Sunday afternoons, especially in the winter.  Go to morning church service, maybe dinner after or maybe chili at home on a cold day watching football in my pajamas.  Ahhh…sounds wonderful !! J It’s a great church though!  They have more then one pastor but I have only heard one of them, Pastor Eric.  I really enjoy listening to him.  He’s young, animated, funny and knows his stuff.  If you’re looking for a church and don’t mind the time of service I would highly recommend it.

The week prior to Father’s Day, my plan was to go to Heartland Church.  They offer one service, 10am.  I contacted a friend of mine that morning and she told me she was going to attend church with her son.  What?  Really?  Why didn’t you tell me?  His church, Liquid Church, started at 10am as well but was about 15-20 minutes farther from my house.  I really wanted to go for 2 reasons.  One, it was similar to the other churches I have visited and my friends son had just became a Christian earlier that week.  I was so excited when I heard that.  So needless to say, I threw myself together and made it to his church on time, early actually.  J I arrived before they did so I waited in the lobby for them to get there.  Everyone was very friendly.  I’m drawing a blank so I’m not positive but if I remember right, the pastors’ name was Tom. He saw me hanging around in the lobby and came over to introduce himself.  He was a pretty cool dude!  Now the scoop about the church.  Lots of singing in the beginning, during this time it was very relaxed. A little to relaxed for me actually.  Too many distractions I thought, with people up and walking around.  The praise band was phenomenal.  We had communion while the band played.  That was pretty cool.  Next up…Pastor Tom.  He was great and very easy to listen to, again this part of service was pretty relaxed, almost to relaxed for me.  His message was about, Dreams, particularly Joseph and interpreting our dreams. There was so much that he said that spoke to me. At times I found myself lost in his message. He made several points that I wrote down but a couple that stuck with me are:

”Where you are at this point in your life, is where God planned you to be.”

Ohhh…I would really like to talk about this and what my thoughts are but I have something else I want to ramble about here in a minute.

He also said, “Stay face forward. Hold onto the dream and vision in your heart.” I needed to hear that.  I love it when these pastors make me think and analyze myself.

I didn’t realize how long church was lasting until it was pointed out to me, but it did end up being about 2.5 hours.  As much as I enjoyed it I can see that being to long. The friend that I was with commented several times about how she couldn’t believe how many young people were there.  I’ve seen this a lot in my church hopping.  It’s pretty awesome to see.  About a week later, another friend of mine also mentioned how many young kids are attending church.  I never thought about it until he mentioned it but so many of these kids are having to find that on their own.  They haven’t been raised in the church like I was. As they become late teenagers and/or twenty-somethings, they are looking.  Looking for something more to life, something to give it meaning, some kind of purpose to their life.  I think it’s great but at the same time very sad.  The friend whose son just accepted Christ into his heart a couple of weeks ago wasn’t raised in a church and here he is 18 years old finding that on his own.  Woot!! Influenced by friends to attend the church, but he did it, he went to church and for the first time experienced something that I believe he has probably been searching for, for a great deal of time. I was pretty stoked when I heard that he had become a christian. I can only speak for myself, but all of this made me realize how much we are letting down our youth and unfortunately for me, my own kids.  They grew up in a church but not like they should have been or could have been.  We’re not supposed to live with regret but this is one huge one for me. Coulda, shoulda, woulda…oh the things I would change and do different if I knew then what I know now, but hey, like Pastor Tom said, “Where you are at this point in your life is where God planned you to be.”  Amen dude!!  Thanks for the reminder.  I can’t change how I raised my kids but it’s never to late to lead by example.  I’m a struggling christian myself, but so much better than I was, but not as good as I’ll be!! J

The next 2 Sundays I will be out of town so you won’t hear from me.  I’m not sure where I will pick up when I get back.  There are a couple of other churches that I thought about visiting but I’m ready to find my own home church.  Each day I feel myself crave it more.  It’s time for me to not only visit and/or attend a church but I’m ready to commit to a church.  So with that in mind, when I return I will be revisiting both Pine Hills and Central Church. 

Until next time folks…Be Great, BeYOUtiful and enjoy the beauty of summer!!

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

“…because we’re created in God’s image, God made us to be dreamers.  God is a dreamer and we’re most like him when we’re creative.”

“For God may speak in one way, or in another, yet man does not perceive it.  In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls upon men, while slumbering on their beds, Then He opens the ears of men, and seals their instruction.” Job 33:14-16

4th Church Hop

Last week I didn't attend church because I was at the lake with family for the holiday.  I've been nothing but honest in these blogs so I won't stop now.  It's so darn easy to find an excuse to skip church sometimes. Many churches have an early service so I could have gone to that and still had plenty of time at the lake. I also used the excuse that since it was a holiday I knew there would be many people that regularly attend absent. I also thought the message from the Pastor would be geared towards Memorial Day.  There is nothing wrong with that, but when I visit a new church I want to experience it for it's usual service.  Excuses, excuses, yeah I got 'em.  I'll also admit that as I was headed to the lake that morning I was regretting not going.  I love the feeling I get from going to church.  I love the high! Since I've started this new journey in my life I'm experiencing those feelings more and more.  It's not something I can really explain, especially to someone that hasn't felt it before, but if I had to try I would say, it's a crazy, peaceful, positive, happy, I can conquer anything, kind of feeling.  :)  I mentioned in the last blog that I hadn't had a good week and that I was forgetting to share my worries with God and trying to solve them all on my own.  Well folks, this past week was worse then the week before, quite a bit actually, but I remembered and focused more on praying and handing all of it over to God. Man oh man, what a difference in how it made me feel.  I'll admit I still had moments of wanting to curl up and cry my eyes out, as my usual self, I chose to close myself off from talking about it with friends or family.  I even irritate myself sometimes by being so private, lol.  One more thing I want to mention and then I'll get on with the church that I attended today. The power of prayer can sometimes be so simple that we miss it.  This past Tuesday marked the one year anniversary that I lost one of my best friends to cancer. I still miss her like crazy!!  My week was the pits with Thursday being the worst.  That morning I received a very lengthy text message from the husband of the friend that I lost a year ago. He was thinking of me, thanking me, telling me how much I meant to her and to him and so on.  His timing was PERFECT!!  Later that same day I received another text from a friend that I haven't spoke to in awhile just saying, "Hi" and letting me know she was thinking of me. Again...PERFECT timing. Within about 15 minutes of getting that text I had another friend call me and leave me a message telling me that she was calling just to chat because we haven't spoke in awhile. Really??  Again...PERFECT timing.  I'll admit though, the 2 friends that contacted me with 15 minutes, I didn't reply or call back. That was the day I wanted to curl up in a ball and just cry.  I did contact them both the next day though.  My point is, God knew what I was going through and led all 3 of those friends to reach out to me that day of all days.

Time for my church hop news, if you're still following along that is. Today I went to Level 13, a hop, skip and a jump from my house.  As most of the others they offer 2 morning services, 9:30 and 11:15am.  Surprise, surprise, I went to the early one, but I goofed.  I looked on their website just yesterday to be sure of the times and I could have sworn the first one started at 9:45, so I get there about 9:35 and of course it had already started.  It's a pretty small church so there was no guessing on where to go for service.  I can hear the band as soon as I walk in, I walk into the sanctuary and I literally can NOT see a thing.  My eyes haven't adjusted from being outside yet and the only lights on in the church were very dim lights up front on the praise band.  I just stood there for a moment trying to see, trying to see an open seat near the back, but I couldn't even tell where the back was. I didn't want to stand there but I didn't want to sit on someones lap either. Ahhh, my eyesight is starting to come back. Hey, there's a nice seat towards the back and the exit door...plop.  I am so loving the praise bands in all these churches I've been to. It's so easy to sing and follow along, whether you know the song or not and rarely do I know the songs. They do the usual announcements, then I hear, "while we pass the offering plates, take 5 minutes to talk to each other and get some coffee if you like."  WHAT??  FIVE minutes??  What in the world am I going to do for 5 minutes?  Crud!! The lights are all on now so I can see, so I look through the bulletin.  That took about 5 seconds. I look around..."hey...I know that couple."  It was the son and daughter in law of a friend of mine.  I got out of my seat, walked over and was able to spend at least 4 of the remaining 4 minutes and 55 seconds talking with them. Then I go back to my seat and guess what I see up front??  Communion!! You may be thinking, "yeah, big deal."  Have you not learned anything about me yet??  If I choose to do communion, which I will, I will have to walk up front to get it.  UGH!!  This congregation is quite a bit smaller then the other 3 I have already been to, which almost makes it worse for me to walk up front in front of everyone.  I realize no one will be paying attention to me, but in my head they are ALL watching me, which makes me want to pass out!! I'll get back to the rest of that story in a minute.  Before communion Pastor Rob gets his time to deliver his message (hmmm...should that be His message?).  He spoke about, "turning me into we." I enjoyed this message and wrote down a few of his points that I wanted to remember.  I took several but here's just 3.
*Your gift is for everyone, not just you!  I agree, but what if you don't have an obvious gift? Or not one that I've figured out yet anyway.
*Accept people without passing judgement!  I really hate being judged, so I try my best to practice this everyday.
*My burden is your burden !  Now this one got me.  I've already wrote a book here so I won't go into this one anymore, but if you've read the first 3 blogs you will understand how I would have a hard time with this one. I'm not saying I don't agree with it, I just have no idea how I can learn to do this or if it's even something I want to do. Huh, this one really has me thinking right now.
Message is over. Time for communion. Not every church does communion the same but I believe every one that I have been to we always have to walk up front.  Yep, same routine here.  Those that want to join in communion begin going up front to get their bread and wine, I mean cracker and grape juice.  At one point the line was very short so I stand up to go and then several people beat me in line, so I sit back down.  The less time I am in line and in front of everyone the better. It's getting shorter, getting shorter, hurry...go!  It went fine.  I didn't pass out.  I don't why I worry about these things.  I am getting better though.  Goodness, a year ago or even 4 months ago, I wouldn't have been able to do any of this like I have been now. I'm not ashamed to say, I'm proud of myself.

I escaped pretty quick when church was over. As I walked outside and down the steps I looked around and thought to myself, "I would love to get a hold of the landscaping here."  It sure could use some TLC and curb appeal.  This was the 4th church that I have visited so far and I have to tell you this is not going to be an easy decision.  I may have to visit a few of them a 2nd time.

Not sure where I will end up next Sunday, but till then...Have a fantastic week and thank you  for taking the time to read about my experiences.
  2 Thessalonians 3:16

Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance. The Lord be with you all!

3rd Church Hop

I'm back!!  I didn't hop to an unknown church last week. Since it was Mother's Day I chose to attend church with my mom and the rest of the family. 

Today my hopping took me to Central Church on the NE side of Ft. Wayne.  Like many of the other churches that I visited on this journey they offer more then one church service.  One at 9:30am and the other at 11am. Can you guess which one I attended?  Oh you are getting good.  Yes, I went to the 11am service. I don't know if it was because I went to my regular church last Sunday or what, but today I felt a little more nervous then I had with the first 2. I also found myself not as excited. :( Why is it when I need God the most, those seem to be the times when I feel the farthest from Him? I've had a week of ups and downs, of emotional and physical pain, of self-pity and many worries weighing on my mind. Being the stubborn person that I am, I choose to not burden my family and friends, although this upsets many of them, I know, I know, I need to work on that. But why do I find it so hard at times to remember that those are the times when I need to unburden myself and lay all of this on God's shoulders? He's way bigger and stronger then I am. I have been getting better about this but I still have a long ways to go in giving God control over all of my worries.  Sorry, I kind of got off track there. I guess what I was trying to say is, I have worn myself out this past week by making my worries mine and mine alone, that I started to lose my excitement for finding a church home. Even though I know God can handle all my worries, it's not always easy for me to give them all to Him.  I have faith though.  Faith in Him and faith in myself.  I'll get where I need to be with His help.  

Back to the church I visited today.  I really wish churches would come with a guide. A guide to tell you where to go once you walk in.  Like the first church I attended on this adventure, there were 2 entrances. I parked in front, therefore went in the front entrance.  I walk around trying to figure out where in the world the sanctuary was.  I saw one door that I thought for sure was it.  I can't remember what is said over the door, I think it said Chapel??  I really can't remember, but it was a name that you would think would be where service was held. Nope, not at all.  I open the door, look in and it looked like a kids church.  Ugh!!  Where am I suppose to go.  I see other signs pointing here and there, none of which were making very much sense to me.  At this point I'm no longer nervous but getting a little frustrated.  Why can't these churches be a little more 1st time attendee friendly? I just start walking, see stairs leading up and down. I followed a couple of other people and went down the stairs.  OMGoodness!!  There is the sanctuary!!  Had I parked out back and went in the back door I believe I would have walked right into the sanctuary, but noooo, I had to park in the front and go in the front door, silly me.  If you go to a church that you have never been to before and there are two entrances, pick the one that you normally wouldn't pick to go in.  Two out of the three churches so far had more then one entrance and both times I picked the front door and both times ended up farthest away from where I needed to go. 

Anywho...There was a greeter down there handing out bulletins.  I shake his hand, say hi, get a bulletin and find a seat in the back.  I hadn't been sitting there long when I hear a woman say, "hello."  She said she had never seen me before so she came over to introduce herself to me and to welcome me. First time for that. These churches are so big though I don't know how anyone would notice if someone was new or not.  Kudos to her for noticing. Shortly after that, the Praise Band starts playing.  I loved, loved the first song.  Wish I could tell you what the name of it was.  I watched and waited to see the name, but never saw it.  Time for "meet and greet."  I'm getting good at this. Smile, say "good morning", shake hands. No conversation needed, so even us shy folks can handle this. Great praise band, loved the songs, the music, the singing, the instruments. Yep, I sang again!! :) It's hard not to when they have these great bands up on stage rockin' the house.  Next up was the pastor, Pastor Jeremy.  I didn't feel as though I warmed up to him as soon as I did the last pastor that I heard at Pine Hills, BUT it didn't take long and I feel in love with his message just as I had the others.  Today's message was about, "Judging."  Ahh man, like who out there can't relate to this one?  I know I sure can.  I could go on and on about Pastor Jeremy's message but I won't. He really made you think and he wasn't afraid to hurt anyone's feelings. I like that! I did learn something I'm going to try though if I ever get called for jury duty.  I'm going to tell them, "Sorry but I can't.  It's not my job to judge."  Think it'll work?  :) I remembered my Bible again, still no Bible cover though. My Bible looks a mess with all these notes hanging out everywhere. The verses he was talking about weren't up on the big screen so I was glad I was able to look them up and follow along.  Once I fished my reading glasses out of my purse that is. Glasses on, glasses off, on, off,  oh the joys of getting older. When I took them off I put them on top of my head, at one point they started falling off of my head.  I reached  up, back and around to grab them. It's a good thing I was sitting in back, otherwise I would have probably poked someone's eye out.  I really enjoyed Pastor Jeremy, but the time went to quick and I found myself (AGAIN) becoming bummed that it was over already. I continue to find myself wanting to hear more. What's up with that?? Then I look at the clock when I get out in my car and I'm thinking, "Wow, I've really been here this long?"  Now that's when you know you are enjoying yourself. 

All in all I had a great experience at Central Church.  Once again, I really enjoyed the Praise Band and Pastor Jeremy. 

My plan is to visit Level 13 (yes, that's a church) next week.  With it being Memorial weekend though that may change. By the way, I have had a few people tell me that I should have told them I was going to a certain church and what time I would be there so I could sit with them.  Maybe I'm stubborn or maybe it's the being a "loner" in me, but this is something I feel I want to do on my own.  I don't want anyone to influence where I decide to go.  I don't want to be distracted by someone trying to talk to me during church or asking me what I think, or me being worried about my total awesome singing voice standing beside someone I know and have them pressure me into joining the Praise Band. ;)

I hope to share my experience next week from Level 13, if not, fer sure the following week. Till next time, "Have a great week, a safe Memorial weekend and remember (preachin' to myself here)...Give it all to God. His shoulders are way bigger then ours." 

Psalm 55:22  Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you       

2nd Church Hop

First I want to start out by saying that I have nothing but good things to say about the church I grew up in. I have been feeling the need or "tug" to look around and possibly find a new home church for some time now. I just never had the nerve to do it, nor did I want to admit that I wanted to find something else.  I was comfortable at my church.  I enjoyed everything about it, the people, the music and the pastor.  Not every church is for everybody though.  If that was the case we would have one enormous church in each town. We all have different wants and needs.  Sometimes we just have to step out of our comfort zone and search for them.  So the search continues...  For many years Ft. Wayne has been called, "The City of Churches." (I personally think it should be called, "The City of Banks!")  So I could be doing this church hopping for awhile.  At this point I still only have a total of 4 that I will be visiting.  Feel free to make any suggestions if you know of a church that  you think I may be interested in.

The plan was to take my daughter with me today, but she's been sick so I let her sleep in and rest today. So I hopped alone today. :) Today I visited Pine Hills Church.  They have a total of 3 services.  One on Saturday evening and two on Sundays.  I went to the later one Sunday morning, started at 10:45am.  That's a nice thing about the larger churches.  If you can't make one service there are others to choose from. The Saturday evening service has a nice ring to it, especially for those of us "cough, cough" that like to sleep in on the weekends.  I wasn't as intimidated this week as I was last week by the size of the parking lot.  Although, they did have someone directing traffic and pointing where to park. Just the size of the these parking lots kind of give you a feeling of "not being in Kansas" anymore. Thankfully I didn't have to look around and try to figure out what door to go in this week  There was only one and they had 2 greeters there to greet  you.  I've always thought this is a must at any church, especially for newbies like myself that may be attending.  Plus it gives you that warm feeling of being welcome.  Like the church I visited last week, there were people everywhere, but it was very obvious where the sanctuary was this time. It wasn't near as large inside as last weeks church was.  There were already quite a few people in there seated.  I had no problem sitting in the very back this week (you know, that coffee thing). Oh by the way, I did take my big ole coffee cup in with me this week.  :)  I debated on whether or not I should mention this next part.  I decided to mention it only because I think it's true of a lot of people, many of you may have experienced what I did or even been the other person.  When I first sat down I noticed someone from a few rows up looking at me.  We made eye contact and I realized I knew her. Just as I went to wave she looked away.  She then said something to her boyfriend and then he turned and looked.  Same thing, he looked away before I had a chance to wave.  I've known her for a couple of years, but never became real acquainted with her.  The reason I decided to even mention this is because when that happened I instantly became turned off. If I saw someone I knew walk into my church I would never do something like that. I would make an attempt to welcome them, say hi or at least wave and smile. I could feel myself getting upset by her actions or lack of.  Unfortunately, I'm pretty good at turning my feelings off and shutting down (not proud of this). For a few minutes I became so focused on her that I forgot why I was there. "Focus Stephanie, focus and for crying out loud, chill out!!"  I was there for me and for God!!  

I heard that Pine Hills Church was moving to a new location in the fall.  I soon found out why.  The seats soon filled up.  We were close to sitting on top of one another.  The Praise Band started playing and we sang several songs.  Let me tell ya, that band was ROCKIN'!!  I loved it!!  I sang along again, didn't just mouth the words to make it look like I was singing. Shortly after it started they did the whole "meet and greet" thing.  Did they not get the memo that I sent about the shy new girl that would be there so please don't do this?? UGH!!  Well even so, I was ready for it this time.  I put my big girl panties on and shook hands and introduced myself to those around me. Once I got over the fear of talking to people I realized this part of the service really isn't so bad. It's nice to get to know your neighbors.  Next up, Pastor Mike.  It didn't take long for me to realize that I was going to like this guy. The message was on, "Sacrifice," and he focused on Exodus Ch. 35.  Once again, I didn't have a hard time at all relating to this.  He was easy to listen to and very easy to follow along.  I actually became a little disappointed when I could tell his message was coming to an end.  The time went to quick, I wanted to hear more. We rocked some more to the praise band and then it was over.  They opened the sanctuary doors and we all fell out.  Ok, I'm kidding, it was crowded but we all had our own seat to sit in.  Since I was in the back I was able to scoot out of there pretty quick. Maybe I should have walked over to say, "Hi", to the girl I knew and maybe this is selfish of me but I didn't want her to ruin my good mood.

All in all I had a good time at this church.  Once I reminded myself why and who I was there for I became very comfortable and enjoyed it tremendously.  I even remembered to take a sweater (which I did need) and remembered to take my own Bible. Still haven't got a nice handy dandy cover for it though to help keep all my notes from falling out.

You probably won't hear from me next week.  Since its Mother's Day I will be attending my usual church so I can spend the time and day with my mom, sisters and my kids.  So until next time, "Have a fantastic week ahead and make each day count!!"  :)

First Church Hop

Today was my first experience with church hopping, church shopping or looking for a home church if you will.  I'm not a writer so bear with me.  Writing down my experiences while church hopping and possibly blogging about it was suggested by a friend so I thought I would give it a whirl.  It'll be nice to look back at my experiences when I finally find a home church.  Who knows, maybe someone else out there may be on the search for a church as well.

First, I will tell you how all this got started.  I'm 43 years old and I've attended the same church since my mom carted me there in the womb. Don't get me wrong, I love this church, I love the people and the majority of my family that live in town attend this church. This has been my families church for many generations. I thought I would continue to attend, heck I thought I would grow old in this church.  Never dreamed of leaving and/or searching for something else, something more, something new. Last fall I tagged along with my boyfriend at the time to a church that he was going to. I left thinking, "huh, that was pretty cool."  So very different then what I was use to.  I figured I would try to be the good girlfriend and attend with him occasionally, but my mind was closed off to the idea of attending anywhere other then my own church on a regular basis.  Regular basis?? Ha, that makes me laugh.  I wasn't even attending my own church on a regular basis. That's when it hit me!!  I needed, wanted and even craved to find a church that I looked forward to getting up Sunday mornings and attending.  So the search began.  The church I had attended with my bf had to move their services to Sunday evenings and well that just wouldn't work for me. In the summers I usually go to the lake after church and in the winter...well, we all know that's football season!! :) First thing I did was post a status on Facebook telling friends what I was looking for in a church and asked for suggestions.  I think I got over 40 comments on that post, not including the text messages and the inbox messages from some other friends. I grew up Methodist, Free Methodist actually.  Don't ask me what the difference between that and United Methodist is because I have no idea. I was looking for a non-denominational church, with a praise band that would make me want to get off my seat, move my feet and sing-along. I was also looking for a Pastor that gets into his message.  Not a pulpit bangin', yelling loudly kind of Pastor, but one that wasn't afraid to tell it like it is. Maybe even challenge me. I wanted something a little less, uhh, I guess the best way to say it is, conservative?  Traditional?

I'll tell ya something else about myself.  Before I posted that on Facebook I really had to think it through.  No matter how bad I wanted it, was this something I could do?  You may be thinking, "Why not?"  Well folks, I'm an introvert, very shy and very private.  Someone once told me, "I use to think you were so stuck-up until I got to know you and then I realized you're just shy" (Lol, I was glad she took the time to get to know me). Surprise, surprise that I am.  I can remember hiding behind my mom when I was little whenever someone would try to talk to me. I'm not great at carrying on a conversation, not real great at being sociable either, therefore I don't make friends very easily. So for me to walk into a new church, not knowing anyone, all by myself, was a huge, huge step and big deal for me. But I gotta tell ya, the more and more I thought about it and what I was about to do, the more excited I got about it. I couldn't wait for today to get here so I could start my search, start my journey!

My first stop was to Fellowship Missionary Church in Ft. Wayne, IN.  This church came highly recommended by many of my friends, so I thought it should be my first stop. It was close to where I grew up and where my parents still live, so I was familiar with it and the area. I went to the 11:30am service. I get there and talk about intimidating!!  The parking lot alone was HUGE and full of cars!!  With 3 Sunday morning church services offered I should have been prepared for that, but nope, I sure wasn't.  "It's okay Stephanie, you can do this!"  I was a little early so I sat in my car for a few minutes, facebooked a little, while I waited, lol.  Surprisingly, I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be walking in.  People were going in 2 different doors so I wasn't sure where I was suppose to enter at.  I chose the front door.  First thing I noticed as a place to put  your cigarette butts.  I thought that was strange, but then realized that it was probably a good idea. :)   I'm now inside and have no idea where to go.  I see this huge room that I thought was the sanctuary, but no one was in there so obviously I was wrong.  Side note:  I come from a small church and that big ole room was bigger then the sanctuary where I came from. Anyway...I venture down to where everyone is gathered, whew!!...there it is!! I get a bulletin, walk in and find a seat. Don't want to make eye contact and have to try and talk. Okay, I wasn't quite that bad.  I did make eye contact and say Hi to several people as I walked down the long hallway to the where the sanctuary was. I sat close to the back of course.  Mainly cause when you have a pot of coffee (12 cups!!) in the morning you want to be close to the bathroom in case you have to sneak out. I think about 2-4 cups of coffee equals 1-gallon of pee!! I usually take my coffee in church with me but for THIS reason and because I didn't know what to expect from this church I decided to leave it in the car. While people were still coming in, the praise band started singing a few songs (still sitting at this time).  We then stood, sang a few more and then did the meet and greet.  I have never been a big fan of this part of church.  Please, please don't make me talk to my neighbors, that takes me out of my shell, but I survived.  I actually saw someone I knew and was going to go say, "Hi", but didn't have time. The best part about big churches is when you sing it just blends in with everyone else.  Normally I'm a lip sync-er at church, but these were songs that I could get into so I sang along.  Next the message from Pastor Dave.  Great pastor by the way.  The message was, "Grappling with Guilt."  Well who doesn't have some of that?  I sure do, so yeah I was able to relate, follow along and enjoyed it very much.  Get this??  I even took notes!!  I don't think I have ever done that in church that I remember.  Not only did I take notes, but I brought them home with me.  I didn't toss them in the trash on my way out.  :) I didn't stick around after the service was over.  I did go say, "Hi" to the person I knew that I saw earlier. Oh and I did get a cup of coffee before I left. Great church.  Great music. Great Praise Band. Great Pastor. Great message! I may be back, I may not.  I have 3 other churches that I plan on hopping to. I'm keeping my mind open and I know that God will lead me to the right one. I must admit, if I hadn't gone to another church with my bf last fall this church would have been a shocker to me. Well actually, if I hadn't gone with him in the first place I don't think I would have ever looked for another church. I was content where I was, till I realized there was more out there.

Reminder to myself: take a coat or sweater while hopping and take my own Bible.  I really need to get a cover for my Bible so I can keep all these notes in it that I'll be taking!! :)

Next week the plan is to hop on over to Pine Hills Church. Till then...Make it a great week!! :)