Wait...what?

Hi, it's me again.
If you're single you can probably relate, if you're not, think back to when you were. Why is it when you tell people that you're single, they look at you or respond like it's a bad thing?  Do they realize how annoying that is?   Maybe I should get a shirt that says, "I'm single, GET OVER IT!!" or, "I'm single, because I WANT TO BE!!"or maybe, "It's not about my timing, it's about His timing!" but then I would have even more idiots asking me, "Uhhh, who's he?"  Grrr!!  There's always someone who thinks it's a compliment to say, "You're to cute to be single."  Are you serious??  Here's one of my favorites, "You're single? Why? Is there something wrong with you?" I'd like to slap 'em right upside the head, but instead I just smile and say something polite and/or funny.  Well first of all, I've been married AND divorced, unfortunately more then once. Even typing that I felt myself hang my head low. Sigh...

Here are my some of my thoughts on it...
NOT one of my past relationships was ever centered around God. Sure there are many marriages that last that aren't, but I'm the poster child for relationships that don't work because of this reason. As you know, I committed my life to Christ last Spring and when I did I asked God to forgive me of all my past sins, I continue to ask Him this daily.  He didn't forgive just some of my sins and not others. He forgave ALL of them and He keeps no record of wrong. Whew!!  2 Corinthians 7:10, Godly sorrow leads to repentance which leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.  Oh how true is that!  And that's just it...at times I'm consumed with guilt because of how it looks to the world, how it looks in mans eyes, not Gods.  God already forgot, He already forgave me.  Yet when it comes up in conversation (which I try to avoid this topic) I feel shame, I feel embarrassed, I feel like a failure!! I think you can literally hear the wheels in my head turning, trying desperately to think of a way to redirect the conversation. Feelings like that make it easy for the enemy to attack me. I can't let him! Not only did God love me way before I turned to Him, He sent His Son to DIE FOR ME long before there even was a me. I get tired of hearing, "...but your past made you who you are."  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it! For some reason my head is so thick I had to go through what I went through to get where I am now, to get where I am as a Christ follower. I get it, I do, but telling me that doesn't make me feel any better about it.  I don't think it's so much guilt as it is what I stated earlier...shame, embarrassment...hurry and change the subject before I have to dig a hole to bury my head in, gulp...failure!!  Sin is sin!! There are no big sins, no little sins, God sees all sin the same.

My kids and I have always had a pretty open communication.  At times when they've been telling me things that they have done or were going to do, I would ask them, "Do I need to take my amnesia pill?"  Lol...it's much like that.  When I ask God to forgive me of my sins, He does forgive me and then He takes His amnesia pill and forgets. It's gone from His memory, vanished, vamoosed!!  When God forgives, He forgets!! :) If only we could all be more like that, myself included. I'd like to think I don't care what people think, but I am human and to say I don't care would be a lie.  In many things I don't, but in this case, I obviously do. I'd almost rather say I was a drug addict or addicted to porn then to admit I've had failed marriage(S)!! Think about it.  When you hear that someone was a drug addict that has accepted the Lord you hear, "Oh praise God...", but somehow I don't think if I were to talk openly about my failed marriages and how I have accepted Christ since then would I get the same response.

Wowzers!  All I was intending to talk about in this blog was why I'm single.  Uhhh, maybe it was meant for me to talk about all this???  Hmmm...
I'm not single because I am guarding my heart because of past hurts. I'm not single because I'm hard to get along with either, lol.  I'm single because that's God's plan for me right now.  It's not always easy being patient, waiting for God's next move in my life. I'm not even sure if God intends for me to meet a man and remarry, but I do know this...if God does have someone for me and when He says I'm ready, then it'll happen and not before.  I've taken it in my own hands my whole life, not anymore!!  That feeling of peace I mentioned before...yeah, it's still there.  Big time!  So don't get me wrong in thinking that I'm all, "whoa is me, poor, poor, pitiful me, I'm all alone..."  I'm not, not at all.  I believe I'm single because God wants me all to Himself right now.  He wants my focus, my attention, my all. He's making me stronger!  He knows I'm not ready to be shared.  That's my 2 cents.  :)

So folks till my next rant, lol...Be great...Be YOUtiful, oh and don't hold anyone up to a higher standard then anyone else.

Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be. -John Ortberg

1 John 1:9 (NIV) 
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

It's a birth Birthday!! :)

I did it!!  I got baptized!! It was just as amazing as I thought it would be.  I had a permanent smile on my face all day. I was ecstatic by my family and friends that showed up to be there for me.  Not one of them can even begin to understand how much that meant to me. Well maybe they can, because they were there, they took the time and effort to be there for me. Some rearranged their schedules to be there, one rushed out after her church service to be there, at least one drove quite a distance to be there and ALL of them made sure to stick around after I dried off and got warm clothes on to congratulate me.  There were several of us that got baptized that day, as I stood there waiting for my turn, I looked out into the crowd and I realized just how many were there to celebrate with me. They would look my way and give a big smile, I even got a few thumbs-up!  I thought I would be embarrassed to have all eyes on me...side note: church was packed that day!!, but I wasn't embarrassed or nervous at all.  I was excited, I was proud to be standing there in front of so many, publicly proclaiming my love and devotion for Jesus Christ.

Last spring when I mentioned to my friends that I was going to start church hopping there was just one friend that suggested I check out Pine Hills Church (PHC).  She wasn't a regular of PHC, in fact she had only been there one time, but she enjoyed it enough to suggest it to me. Sunday after my baptism I was standing around talking with another friend and there she was!!...the friend that had suggested PHC to me so many months ago.  I grew up with this girl, from grade school on up we were friends.  I don't think I've seen her since High School, but we have kept in touch via facebook. She didn't know I was getting baptized that day, in fact, this was the first time she had been back to PHC since her first visit there last spring. She said she looked up at the screen, saw my name and was like, "Hey, I know her!"  Lol...I couldn't have been more thrilled to see her.

It really was one of the best days ever.  Many of us went out to dinner after church for my birthday, my actual birth day that is, lol. Here they are all looking nice and I'm in my swooshie pants, hoodie, wet hair, smeared mascara and a hat on, out to celebrate my birthday!! It was great!! I even came home to a cold house, furnace wasn't working, and wouldn't you know it, they were calling for an ice storm that day! I got frustrated for about 10 minutes, then it just left me. I called the technician, put on warmer clothes, curled up under a blanket, put my smile back on and watched TV.  It was only about 2 hours total before it was fixed and we had heat again.  Whew!!  Thank God for a little change in my pocket (ok, maybe more then a little) and  for Sunday workers!! :)

Who woulda thunk it?  A year ago or even last spring I never would have thought I would have been baptized or even wanted to, not yet anyway. It never meant that much to me. I was definitely never moved by watching others get baptized either, but like I mentioned in my last post, I was thrilled and brought to tears to watch my friend get baptized.  I surely didn't realize what it meant before or what a huge step it was in my walk with God. I knew it was commanded in the Bible, but I thought of it more as a nice gesture then anything else.  Not only is it commanded, but it's also a way to show my family and friends how in love with Jesus I am and that Jesus is my life!!  

I already have more to talk about, so maybe I'll get 2 blogs in this week. :)

Till next time...Have a great week...Be YOUtiful and if you have snow, be thankful you have shelter, warm clothes and the sight to see it and even the strength to shovel it!! :)

“Baptism separates the tire kickers from the car buyers.”  ~ Max Lucado

(haha, I love this!:)

Acts 2:38 NIV

... “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.