Turn that frown :( upside down! :)

When we're feeling low and in the dumps are the times when we should be going to God in prayer and in scripture the most, correct?  At least that's what I've always heard.  So why do I find those times are the hardest times for me to reach out to Him or to anyone for that matter?  I grab my Bible and I dive in. Hoping and praying that I will stumble upon a scripture that reaches out to me. I mean why wouldn't it? I hear others say that it happens to them all the time.  "I was mad, angry, crying, blah, blah, blah... I sit down to do my devotions and there it is, the verse that I needed to read, that I needed to hear!"  And then, "BOOM," they're all better!  Ouch, I think there was a bit of sarcasm there. Sometimes I just get so tired of being so tired.

A friend of mine that has known me awhile, tells another friend of mine, that hasn't known me very long, "Let me tell you about Stephanie.  She is very private, doesn't talk much about herself and when she needs to talk the most, is when she tends to shut everyone out the most." I still can't quite get the hang of talking about my problems with others.  I figure no one can do anything about it so why bother whining about it. Is that being selfish? Is that my pride?  Ahh man, it is isn't it?!! Shoot!!  More things to work on. 

A few weeks ago I got into a funk and I've had a real hard time getting out of it.  Now that I think about it I think it was shortly after my back surgery.  As I'm going over in my head what to write here I'm realizing just how proud I am. Ugh! :(  I hurt my back mid-January.  I haven't been able to do things that I would normally be able to do since then.  I lost one job because of my injury.  I haven't been able to go back to my other job (lawn-care) because of it. This year was suppose to be different!!!  I picked up another job to supplement for the slow months of my direct sales business. I was also able to put money aside in the fall to help get me through. Then...Snap, Crackle, Pop...my back injury!!  Lost the extra job, had to spend my savings! Boo-hiss, join the club right?  I know, we're all going through something.  

I earned a free trip to Maui for myself and a guest for the first week of May.  That would put anyone on cloud 9, right?  You would think!  Honestly, I didn't care, I didn't want to go. Long story short, I did go and I took a friend. I tried so hard to get out of my mood and have fun. If nothing else, to at least make it fun for her.  I did everything I felt like I could do to get out from that dark cloud hanging over my head.  I would grab my shower while I was in the room alone just so I could pray and cry.  I would sit on the balcony and read my Bible.  I even took my Bible down to the beach with me a couple times, yes and read it. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed.  It helped...some.  Goodness, I would hate to think how much of a bear I would have been had I not prayed, lol.  What a grouch! Towards the end of my trip I realized why I didn't want to be there.  That dark cloud got even darker after that.  You've already peeked into my head enough today, so that bit of information is staying hidden for now.

Mother's Day: Momma Bear was planning on having a "grin and bear it" kind of day. My alarm was set for 8am.  A text wakes me up at 6:45am...grrr, I fell back asleep.  7:15am, I hear a squirrel digging around in the gutter outside my window. 7:30am, I open my window to holler at the squirrel. Crawl back in bed and of course can't fall back to sleep. 8am, get up out of bed...grumpy! Sunday's have become my favorite day of the week.  I look forward to getting up, going to church and seeing everyone there. Boy, not today.  I already told myself I was going to try to sneak in, not talk to anyone, no eye contact, not sit in my usual spot, sit towards the back ( I knew there would be crying), and hope that whatever Pastor Mike was talking about today would hit me upside the head and knock me back to my senses. Well guess what??  Baby Bear #1 spoiled my plans for a pity party. He hops up out of bed, turns on the shower..."Uhh, what are you doing? I need to get in the shower to get ready for Church!"  Baby Bear #1, "So do I."  Whoa, what? He's going to church with me?  Hot diggity!!  This is rare and I know he's doing this for Mother's Day so I try not to make a big deal about it, but shoot Baby Bear #2 is with her dad. I call her to find out where she will be so I can pick her up on my way to church.  I walk 5 feet into Church and I'm already talking with a couple friends of mine, talking, laughing, asking about Maui...she gives me 2 Christian CD's (Woot!). 10 ft., someone else stops me asking how I'm feeling since my surgery, while talking with her I see someone else waving me to come over there. I go over to talk with her and she re-introduces me to a couple that have room for me in their small group!!  I've been waiting for this.  I can tell I'm going to like this couple.  I ask them, "It's not all young couples is it?"  He says, "Nope, we have and couples and individuals, some are so old they're almost dead."  Lol...I thought that was funny! :)   Since I had to pick up Baby Bear #2 we were running a tad late so my usual spot to sit was already taken.  We did end up sitting a little towards the back, but I had both my babies with me so it was a GRrrreat day! As you heard, it's a good thing my son ruined my plans for my pity party because I wouldn't have been able to sneak into Church even if I had tried. 

So what's the moral to all this?  Hmmm...as far as today goes at least, God knew I was already in the dumps to far and had my pity party for myself went off as I had planned, I would have been that much more depressed.  Am I still in the dumps?  Yeah, a little bit, but not as much as I was, and not near as much as I would have been, if God wouldn't have put the idea in Baby Bear #1's head to go to church with Mama  Bear. I also feel better just since the start of this post.  :)

I hope you all have a fantastic week!!  Be great...Be YOUtiful !! :) 

Psalm 34:18-19, The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;

Philippians 4:6-7 (one of my favorites), Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.