I choose to love

Look!  Wait, don't look.  I can't help it I have to look, but I don't want them to see me looking.  I'll keep my sunglasses on and just move my eyes, not my head. That way they won't know I'm looking.  Sound familiar or am I the only one? We've all seen them. Homeless, street dwellers, pan-handlers, beggars, whatever you choose to call them.  I don't like putting a "name" on them, but my point is, whether it's a pan-handler at the intersection of a major shopping center, a man sleeping on a park bench or someone whose clothes and shoes may look a little worn, we tend to look the other way.

I'm not looking the other way anymore. Every Monday night I go looking for them. There are usually 3-5 of us that fill a backpack full of food, socks, hygiene products, etc. and walk the streets of downtown Ft. Wayne.  

Instead of avoiding eye contact I now look them straight in the eyes and I listen.  I listen to their stories. I listen to their needs. I hear what they have to say and I care. I really care! I talk with them, smile with them, laugh with them and if they want I pray with them and I hug them. Some of them call us the "church people," but they know we're not there to Bible thump them. We're not there to judge them, look down on them, try to change them, save them or preach to them.  We're there because we want them to know we care. We're there because we want to be there! We're there because we choose not to look the other way.  We're there to let them know they're not forgotten.  We're there because they are human just like we are and get this...we were ALL made in God's image! Yep, that means you, me, the street dwellers, the neighbor next door that you don't like...errr, ummm, hmmm, maybe that last part is just me. 

My first night out we were at the park where several of them were being served dinner by another ministry and a storm came in. Quick! We knew it was coming, but thought we would be done by the time it hit.  No such luck!  The wind kicked up, it started thundering and lightening. Unfortunately we had to cut it short that night. We made it back to our cars right before it started pouring down rain. Can you guess what I did on the way home?  I cried ! Haha, imagine that.  None of them walked out of the park as quick as we did.  Why would they? Most of them have nowhere to go.  Sure they can seek shelter under a bridge or a tree or in a doorway, but they can't get away from the wind, the noise, the temperature changes and quite possibly they are still going to get wet. Even if they don't get wet, their bedding that they have hidden somewhere more than likely will be soaked.  I had a car to run to and a house to drive home too. I'm blessed. I'm fortunate. 

Several times when I go out, other than the usual snacks and canned meat, I put together 3 or 4 goodie bags. It's just a bag of snacks, a water and a flavor pack. The night of the storm I had one left before we scurried out of there. I saw one guy that I knew was living on the streets so I walked over to give it to him.  Even though the storm was coming he was still sitting in the grass, eating his dinner, quite content.  I said his name and handed him the bag.  He raised his eyes and just looked at me.  He looked at me like he couldn't figure out why I was giving that to him. He looked confused, but grateful. That look he gave me, that look in his eyes, made my night! 

I won't look away. I'll know their name. They'll know my face. I'll ask what they need that I can bring the following week. I won't judge. I won't ignore. I'll build trust. I'll choose to love because He first loved me. I choose to love and I choose to love out LOUD!! 

Have a great week...Be YOUtiful and you guessed it...Love out LOUD!! :) 

John 13:34-35 (NLT)

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

Waiting for my Bill

If you could thank one person in your life time for making a difference in your life, who would you thank?  When I was in college I had to write a short essay on this question. My answer is still the same today as it was then.

I'm sure most of you have heard the term, "Waiting for my Boaz." It speaks of Ruth from the Bible. Short version...Ruth was a young widow who was raised to worship a god called Chemosh. She walked away from her home town, her people, her past and her god.  She moved to Bethlehem with her mother-in-law who was also a widow, Ruth became what we call today, a Christ follower.  Yay!! In Bethlehem she met Boaz. A hunky (my version remember) older man, a man of God. Ruth had baggage and a past that most Christian men back then would run from. She had no kids, but she had an ex mother-in-law in the picture, that's worse than kids! Even so, Boaz married Ruth. Woo-hoo!  Ruth is a short book of the Bible and one I absolutely love.  Check it sometime.

Are you wondering where this is going?

It's time for you to meet the one person that has made a difference in my life. His name is Bill. He is my step-father of almost 40 years. My mom and dad divorced when I was 3.  I am the youngest of 3 girls, the other two are 6 and 7 years older than I. So here my mom is in the early 70's, single with 3 young girls. My mom and Bill were set up by their mothers. My thoughts about that are, his mother was hoping my mom would settle down Bill's wild ways.  Boy did she!!  Oh wait, I think I should say, "Boy did WE!"  My mom was quite the catch so needless to say they feel in love! Wild Bill soon became Sweet William (song reference, Google it).

I treated him badly growing up! I resented that he wasn't my real dad.

It wasn't until I moved out at the age of 18 that I realized how much Bill meant to me.  No matter what I did to him or said to him he never gave up on me.  He always loved me. When I finally grew up I realized how much he did to show that love for me.  I was in many activities growing up and Bill was always there to support me and cheer me on.  If I had somewhere that I wanted to go Bill would take me without hesitation.  I never heard him complain to my mom or anyone else about the way that I treated him.  He was and still is a wonderful father.  I don’t ever remember him introducing me as his step-daughter.  Growing up I may not have liked to be called his daughter, but I now realize how much that meant to me.  He never saw me as anything other than his daughter.  I believe in his eyes I was his daughter not his step-daughter.  

I recently met a man that has known Bill for many, many years.  He told me Bill is one of the biggest transformations he has ever seen. 

Bill is a true man of God. A gift from God specifically created for my mom and her 3 daughters! I can't imagine my life without him. I thank God for him everyday! He may not have been the dad that fathered me, but he is and always will be my dad. 

So there's my story of Boaz in our century. They DO still exist!  :) 

It's not always easy being single and at times I want to take it in my own hands and find a man on my own, but I'll wait on God's timing.  I have faith that God is not only preparing me for my Bill, but He is also preparing my Bill for me.  

If you're single and ready to ditch that status of "single" I pray that you have patience, that you keep your faith strong, continue to build your relationship with God and find peace in knowing that everything will work out in His timing. Maybe you're getting frustrated in thinking that you're ready and you can't wait much longer, but if it makes you feel any better maybe this time it really is "him" and not you.  ;)  

Have a great week...Be YOUiful...Love out LOUD! 

Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be. 
John Ortberg

“A truly God-seeking man longs for a woman with a Christ-consumed heart.” — Lauren DeMoss

What's my purpose?

This past week we celebrated 4th of July, also known as, Independence Day. Just another one of those holidays that gets lost in all the hoopla of celebration instead of actually "celebrating" what it's really all about.  We hear fireworks for days (and nights) on end, for weeks before and after the 4th. We're excited for a day off work or an extra long weekend if we're really lucky. We spend our time cooking out (then pigging out), with family and friends at the lake, by the pool, drinking adult beverages, sitting in a crowd with strangers getting mauled by mosquitoes so we can, " oooooh" and "ahhhhh," at the loud booms and the pretty lights in the sky.

This was the first Independence Day that I took the time to thank God for being born in the USA, the Land of the Free! God didn't just pick our parents that we would be born to, He picked our country that we were born in. Wherever we were born, there's a reason. Seriously, can you imagine me a 5'9" Chinese girl?

We were also all born for a purpose. Sometimes I struggle with knowing what my purpose is. Okay, that's not true, I struggle a LOT with knowing my purpose, but not near as much as I use too.  I have a restlessness inside of me that I can't quite explain.  My soul is at peace with God and my faith (finally), maybe it's my heart that's restless? Or my spirit?  I can't explain it.  I rarely feel like I fit in anywhere (I'm okay with that) and I'm not one to pound a piece of a puzzle in a spot that don't fit either.

God put an ache in my heart for those less fortunate. My last blog talked about how my heart yearns to do God's work in other countries, but now I want to tell you what I've been doing right here in my home town. One night a week for the past month I have been going out with, "Saints on the Streets (S.O.S)."  It's a small group that hits the streets of downtown Ft. Wayne once a week to be God's hands and feet, caring and sharing with the homeless, with men going through rehab at the Salvation Army and some that are just down and out. We stuff our backpacks full of mostly food and hygiene products. This is out of our own pocket, but it's pretty amazing how God is able to fill our backpacks week after week.

We head out every Monday evening at 8:30 pm, walk, talk, share, serve, give, laugh, listen and pray till 10 or 11 pm. We could sure use your prayers during that time.  Pray for our safety, for us to come in contact with those that may have the most urgent need, that we have the words to speak and an ear to listen. We may take a different route each week, but generally we go to the Salvation Army, Freiman Square, Headwaters Park, under bridges and along the river bank.

I mentioned that we fill our own backpacks every week.  If you feel that God has placed it in your heart to help out financially we would sure be grateful, just $5.00 goes farther than you can imagine. I'd be glad to make arrangements to pick up any donations.  Some items that are often asked for and can be purchased at the dollar store are: body wash, razors, foot powder, shaving cream, body spray, tooth paste, bar soap, deodorant, batteries, socks, bottled water and snacks. Keep in mind that we mostly serve men. Other items: flashlights, tarps, tents, blankets, hand warmers, coats, watches, sleeping bags, hats and gloves AND bug spray.  Of course if you feel God pulling your heart strings to fill your back pack and walk with us that would be awesome as well.

Feel free to contact me if you would like to help or have any questions. Keep an eye out for future blogs that will be about our actual "walks" downtown.

"Like" us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/saintsonthestreets?fref=ts

Website: http://sosfortwayne.com/

Till next time...Have a great week...Be YOUtiful...Love out LOUD and be thankful for your FREEDOM!! :)

"There is a lot that happens around the world we cannot control. We cannot stop earthquakes, we cannot prevent droughts, and we cannot prevent all conflict, but when we know where the hungry, the homeless and the sick exist, then we can help."

Enlarged heart

I'm gearing up for my 2nd mission trip. I'll be going with a group from church again, this time to Dominican Republic.  I'm excited to share my love for God with people from another country. Other than ministry our focus will be medical, construction and general skills.  Maybe I'll dodge the first 2 and hang out with kids and babies all day.  ;)

I had a friend from church ask me, "Are you going to go on all our mission trips?"  I laughed and admitted that if I could I would. I'm physically able, my job permits the time away and I have the support of great parents to help with my daughter while I'm gone. My daughter is also supportive of this so she doesn't mind. My goal is to have her go with me in the next few years. She actually had her first experience in missions last week.  Some of the church youth group traveled to Michigan to spend the week working on homes to help build up the neighborhood.  She was also able to work at a homeless shelter for one of those days.  So yes, while I can, I will attend mission trips.  I don't know what next year will bring, let alone tomorrow. So I'm going to grasp the moment while I can.

I'm not sure if any Google searches will support my definition or not, but my idea of missions is using our spiritual gifts to serve others. Doing that doesn't have to take you overseas.  It can be in your own backyard and they can be so simple. If you gift is Mercy, cook a meal for a new mom or for a husband whose wife may be in the hospital...Administration: join one of your church committees, every committee needs at least one member who can keep the others on task and help organize...Evangelism: help others grow and share their faith...Teaching: teach others what you have learned...etc. One of my gifts is Shepherding.  Which boggles my mind.  I have taken some of these test over and over again because I just knew something was wrong and the more I read the description the more I knew I must have misread a few questions in the test to get this result. No matter how many times I took it or how many different ones I took, Shepherding was always in the top 2-3 of my Spiritual Gifts. Jaw dropping, head tilted, wrinkled forehead, confused look...yeah, I know, me too!

When I went to India last fall someone asked me, "Why are you going half-way around the world to do God's work, isn't there enough you could be doing in the United States?"  I have to admit I use to think the same way. Every fall my parents church have a chili supper/auction to raise money for missions.  Usually used to support missionaries overseas.  I used to think that was crazy!  We need the money too, keep it here, spend it on something in our own church community. When I re-committed my life to Christ last year many changes happened in me. I was like the Grinch who stole Christmas, my heart grew, and it grew, and it grew. Not only did it grow, but it opened and boy did it open to global missions.  I'm doing many things here at home, but my heart yearns to work in missions in another country.  God doesn't see borders, so why should we?

Have a fantastic day...Be YOUtiful...Love out LOUD!! :)
Stephanie

My new favorite song!!

Matthew 25:40 (NIV)
"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'

James 1:27 (NIV) 
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

James said it best.... :)

Where have all the good times gone? Where have all the good times gone? Lol... a little Van Halen anyone?  As I'm browsing through Facebook lately those are the words/lyrics that come to my mind.  It seems being sad, depressed and just downright LOST are almost the norm anymore.  So many complaints about everything from a leak in the kitchen sink to a messed up relationship. No matter how much we have it seems complaining is inevitable. Are we looking for something to complain about?  Have we become so spoiled and self-centered that we have to complain to the world every time we get a hang nail?  We all complain at times, that I think is inevitable, but I think we need to be more careful how often we complain.  If it's constant or always about the same thing, it's obviously time for a change.

We need more God in our lives!! Most of the complaints I see on Facebook are about a relationship. At times I have a really hard time biting my tongue, or not typing,  "Go to church, grab your Bible, find a christian friend to talk to, pray!!" Those same friends are the ones that later in the day or later in the week I'll see them talking about going to the bar or posting pictures while they're out drinking with friends, or just drinking at home.  I've been there, I've done that and I still woke up depressed the next morning.

I'm not one to talk on relationships, or maybe I am since I've had so many fail. I know what doesn't work. It's been a year since I've been in a relationship (new record for me, lol), but at the same time, in that year I've been in the best relationship of my life. I've been in a committed relationship with God. He's been holding on to me pretty tight and hasn't wanted to share me.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I believe in loving out LOUD and that includes my faith and my love for our Savior. I realize my post on fb of my faith may also become tiresome for some of my friends, guess that's why there's a "remove from newsfeed," button now.  Even still, I won't quit. It's opened doors that I never thought would have opened, by friends that I never would have expected.  This past week I had a fb friend and I say fb friend because I only know him from fb through mutual friends of ours. He needed to vent about life and complain about God and this isn't this first friend to come to me like this. Thanks to Pastor Mike and our recent message from the book of James I felt I was able to help him. I explained to him that we face trials of all kinds, often to build, strengthen and grow our faith. If life was easy with no storms we'd get through life without relying on God and we'd have no reason to have any faith at all.  When we question God on why we're going through whatever it is we're going through that's when we lose faith, we start to have doubts. Instead we need to persevere through them, face them head on instead of trying to run and hide .  If we don't face them, we'll never grow, we'll never mature spiritually.

Are we drowning in doubt or are we persevering through it with faith? Instead of asking God to take away whatever it is we're going through we need to ask him to help us through it, to face it head on and to learn from it. We've all heard the phrase, "God doesn't give us more then we can handle."  Bull !!  I don't believe that for a minute, BUT if we go through it with Him we can handle it and we will get through it.  Relying on God may not always be easy for an instant gratification society, but when we believe, when we give it all to Him, when we learn to fully trust in Him, then and only then do I believe we will get through it. Without God in our lives it's like giving a pill to treat a disease with no cure. We can mask the illness, but it's still going to be there. We need a cure and that cure is God!!

Till next time...Be great...Be YOUtiful and Love out LOUD!! :)

If you've stuck around to read all this I hope you take an extra few minutes to watch the video.

James 1:4 (NIV)Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.


James 1:12 (NIV):  Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

Turn that frown :( upside down! :)

When we're feeling low and in the dumps are the times when we should be going to God in prayer and in scripture the most, correct?  At least that's what I've always heard.  So why do I find those times are the hardest times for me to reach out to Him or to anyone for that matter?  I grab my Bible and I dive in. Hoping and praying that I will stumble upon a scripture that reaches out to me. I mean why wouldn't it? I hear others say that it happens to them all the time.  "I was mad, angry, crying, blah, blah, blah... I sit down to do my devotions and there it is, the verse that I needed to read, that I needed to hear!"  And then, "BOOM," they're all better!  Ouch, I think there was a bit of sarcasm there. Sometimes I just get so tired of being so tired.

A friend of mine that has known me awhile, tells another friend of mine, that hasn't known me very long, "Let me tell you about Stephanie.  She is very private, doesn't talk much about herself and when she needs to talk the most, is when she tends to shut everyone out the most." I still can't quite get the hang of talking about my problems with others.  I figure no one can do anything about it so why bother whining about it. Is that being selfish? Is that my pride?  Ahh man, it is isn't it?!! Shoot!!  More things to work on. 

A few weeks ago I got into a funk and I've had a real hard time getting out of it.  Now that I think about it I think it was shortly after my back surgery.  As I'm going over in my head what to write here I'm realizing just how proud I am. Ugh! :(  I hurt my back mid-January.  I haven't been able to do things that I would normally be able to do since then.  I lost one job because of my injury.  I haven't been able to go back to my other job (lawn-care) because of it. This year was suppose to be different!!!  I picked up another job to supplement for the slow months of my direct sales business. I was also able to put money aside in the fall to help get me through. Then...Snap, Crackle, Pop...my back injury!!  Lost the extra job, had to spend my savings! Boo-hiss, join the club right?  I know, we're all going through something.  

I earned a free trip to Maui for myself and a guest for the first week of May.  That would put anyone on cloud 9, right?  You would think!  Honestly, I didn't care, I didn't want to go. Long story short, I did go and I took a friend. I tried so hard to get out of my mood and have fun. If nothing else, to at least make it fun for her.  I did everything I felt like I could do to get out from that dark cloud hanging over my head.  I would grab my shower while I was in the room alone just so I could pray and cry.  I would sit on the balcony and read my Bible.  I even took my Bible down to the beach with me a couple times, yes and read it. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed.  It helped...some.  Goodness, I would hate to think how much of a bear I would have been had I not prayed, lol.  What a grouch! Towards the end of my trip I realized why I didn't want to be there.  That dark cloud got even darker after that.  You've already peeked into my head enough today, so that bit of information is staying hidden for now.

Mother's Day: Momma Bear was planning on having a "grin and bear it" kind of day. My alarm was set for 8am.  A text wakes me up at 6:45am...grrr, I fell back asleep.  7:15am, I hear a squirrel digging around in the gutter outside my window. 7:30am, I open my window to holler at the squirrel. Crawl back in bed and of course can't fall back to sleep. 8am, get up out of bed...grumpy! Sunday's have become my favorite day of the week.  I look forward to getting up, going to church and seeing everyone there. Boy, not today.  I already told myself I was going to try to sneak in, not talk to anyone, no eye contact, not sit in my usual spot, sit towards the back ( I knew there would be crying), and hope that whatever Pastor Mike was talking about today would hit me upside the head and knock me back to my senses. Well guess what??  Baby Bear #1 spoiled my plans for a pity party. He hops up out of bed, turns on the shower..."Uhh, what are you doing? I need to get in the shower to get ready for Church!"  Baby Bear #1, "So do I."  Whoa, what? He's going to church with me?  Hot diggity!!  This is rare and I know he's doing this for Mother's Day so I try not to make a big deal about it, but shoot Baby Bear #2 is with her dad. I call her to find out where she will be so I can pick her up on my way to church.  I walk 5 feet into Church and I'm already talking with a couple friends of mine, talking, laughing, asking about Maui...she gives me 2 Christian CD's (Woot!). 10 ft., someone else stops me asking how I'm feeling since my surgery, while talking with her I see someone else waving me to come over there. I go over to talk with her and she re-introduces me to a couple that have room for me in their small group!!  I've been waiting for this.  I can tell I'm going to like this couple.  I ask them, "It's not all young couples is it?"  He says, "Nope, we have and couples and individuals, some are so old they're almost dead."  Lol...I thought that was funny! :)   Since I had to pick up Baby Bear #2 we were running a tad late so my usual spot to sit was already taken.  We did end up sitting a little towards the back, but I had both my babies with me so it was a GRrrreat day! As you heard, it's a good thing my son ruined my plans for my pity party because I wouldn't have been able to sneak into Church even if I had tried. 

So what's the moral to all this?  Hmmm...as far as today goes at least, God knew I was already in the dumps to far and had my pity party for myself went off as I had planned, I would have been that much more depressed.  Am I still in the dumps?  Yeah, a little bit, but not as much as I was, and not near as much as I would have been, if God wouldn't have put the idea in Baby Bear #1's head to go to church with Mama  Bear. I also feel better just since the start of this post.  :)

I hope you all have a fantastic week!!  Be great...Be YOUtiful !! :) 

Psalm 34:18-19, The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;

Philippians 4:6-7 (one of my favorites), Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

Changed...for the better! :)

I knew things would change when I committed to the Lord. Many changes I was ready for, other changes I didn't expect and some I never really thought about.  I've lost friends, people talk to me different, I notice some act like they don't even know what to say to me anymore and I understand that because my humor is different.  There are some things that I don't find humorous like I use too. What I use to find humor in, I now find offensive. Not all things of course, I'm not that much of a prude. I just have more respect for myself and have learned some conversations are just....well...tasteless! Of course there are always those that think I've gone overboard.  That I've taken this "religion" thing a little to far. That maybe I shouldn't be so boisterous about it, especially on social media. All I gotta say about that is, "they don't know me very well !"

I didn't realize how little respect I had for myself before.  In the way I dressed, in the way I allowed people (mainly men) to talk to me and even in the conversations I would get involved in.  After I finally found the love I've been looking for my whole life, in Jesus Christ, I realized how much that's all I've ever wanted. My self esteem was next to zilch. It's crazy how much I've changed in so many ways. It's pretty darn awesome!! Have I ever mentioned before that I have found peace, lol. Yeah, I know I have several times.  I don't think I ever really knew what peace felt like till I actually found it and felt it. There's only one way to find a peace like that.

So now that you've heard a few of the changes in my life, I'd like to share how those changes have affected my daughter. My daughter is 15, she's gone to church very other weekend with her dad for over 10 years and she would go with me, when I went. She rarely paid attention (if ever), fiddled around on her phone when she could get away with it, only went because she had too.  Maybe you remember, but back in October when I started going to a Wednesday group/study at church I told her I wanted her to go to youth group as well. She didn't want to go, but she agreed to at least try it, for me.  The first night there she loved it. She's gone every week since, she's attended other activities with youth group other then Wednesday evenings, including a weekend trip to Miracle Camp in Michigan.  She's done all this because she wants too!! She loves her youth group family.  Last week on the way home she tells me that she's loving her new friendships.

I've been taking a ministry class during the 9am service and then going to worship service at 11am.  The first week my daughter sat in the Connections room and read while I was in class.  Two weeks later she tells me she's going to go to both services, that she'll sit with her friends during the first one.  Wow, okay.  So she did and then she sat with me during the 2nd service. When Pastor Mike started with his message I turned to Genesis, where we had been the previous week.  My daughter says, "No mom, we're here," and she turns my Bible to Exodus chapter 12.  Sure enough just a few minutes later that's where Pastor Mike tells us to turn. She was paying attention in the first service and even sitting with friends!!  I was floored!! This past weekend we watched, "The Bible." Many of the Bible stories were ones that we had just talked about in church the last few weeks.  She KNEW them!! I was so excited!!  I kept my Bible on my lap so during the commercials I could read a little more of the story and talk about it.

To shorten this story...my daughter is now a follower of Christ.  I won't tell you how lame I was on helping her with the prayer, but hey, I'm learning just as much as she is.  I'm so happy for her and love, love that she is loving the Lord. The girl that would slump in church, hated standing and singing, would fiddle around on her phone,...that girl is now paying attention, loves to stand and sing, actually raises her hands at times while singing, shows me in the Bible where we're at and wants to go twice a day just to see her friend get baptized.   :)

Thank you God for answered prayers! My prayer now is that my son will find the love in God that his sister and I have found.

Till ya hear from me again...Be great and always Be YOUtiful !!  :)

'Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.' - Romans 12:2

Wait...what?

Hi, it's me again.
If you're single you can probably relate, if you're not, think back to when you were. Why is it when you tell people that you're single, they look at you or respond like it's a bad thing?  Do they realize how annoying that is?   Maybe I should get a shirt that says, "I'm single, GET OVER IT!!" or, "I'm single, because I WANT TO BE!!"or maybe, "It's not about my timing, it's about His timing!" but then I would have even more idiots asking me, "Uhhh, who's he?"  Grrr!!  There's always someone who thinks it's a compliment to say, "You're to cute to be single."  Are you serious??  Here's one of my favorites, "You're single? Why? Is there something wrong with you?" I'd like to slap 'em right upside the head, but instead I just smile and say something polite and/or funny.  Well first of all, I've been married AND divorced, unfortunately more then once. Even typing that I felt myself hang my head low. Sigh...

Here are my some of my thoughts on it...
NOT one of my past relationships was ever centered around God. Sure there are many marriages that last that aren't, but I'm the poster child for relationships that don't work because of this reason. As you know, I committed my life to Christ last Spring and when I did I asked God to forgive me of all my past sins, I continue to ask Him this daily.  He didn't forgive just some of my sins and not others. He forgave ALL of them and He keeps no record of wrong. Whew!!  2 Corinthians 7:10, Godly sorrow leads to repentance which leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.  Oh how true is that!  And that's just it...at times I'm consumed with guilt because of how it looks to the world, how it looks in mans eyes, not Gods.  God already forgot, He already forgave me.  Yet when it comes up in conversation (which I try to avoid this topic) I feel shame, I feel embarrassed, I feel like a failure!! I think you can literally hear the wheels in my head turning, trying desperately to think of a way to redirect the conversation. Feelings like that make it easy for the enemy to attack me. I can't let him! Not only did God love me way before I turned to Him, He sent His Son to DIE FOR ME long before there even was a me. I get tired of hearing, "...but your past made you who you are."  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it! For some reason my head is so thick I had to go through what I went through to get where I am now, to get where I am as a Christ follower. I get it, I do, but telling me that doesn't make me feel any better about it.  I don't think it's so much guilt as it is what I stated earlier...shame, embarrassment...hurry and change the subject before I have to dig a hole to bury my head in, gulp...failure!!  Sin is sin!! There are no big sins, no little sins, God sees all sin the same.

My kids and I have always had a pretty open communication.  At times when they've been telling me things that they have done or were going to do, I would ask them, "Do I need to take my amnesia pill?"  Lol...it's much like that.  When I ask God to forgive me of my sins, He does forgive me and then He takes His amnesia pill and forgets. It's gone from His memory, vanished, vamoosed!!  When God forgives, He forgets!! :) If only we could all be more like that, myself included. I'd like to think I don't care what people think, but I am human and to say I don't care would be a lie.  In many things I don't, but in this case, I obviously do. I'd almost rather say I was a drug addict or addicted to porn then to admit I've had failed marriage(S)!! Think about it.  When you hear that someone was a drug addict that has accepted the Lord you hear, "Oh praise God...", but somehow I don't think if I were to talk openly about my failed marriages and how I have accepted Christ since then would I get the same response.

Wowzers!  All I was intending to talk about in this blog was why I'm single.  Uhhh, maybe it was meant for me to talk about all this???  Hmmm...
I'm not single because I am guarding my heart because of past hurts. I'm not single because I'm hard to get along with either, lol.  I'm single because that's God's plan for me right now.  It's not always easy being patient, waiting for God's next move in my life. I'm not even sure if God intends for me to meet a man and remarry, but I do know this...if God does have someone for me and when He says I'm ready, then it'll happen and not before.  I've taken it in my own hands my whole life, not anymore!!  That feeling of peace I mentioned before...yeah, it's still there.  Big time!  So don't get me wrong in thinking that I'm all, "whoa is me, poor, poor, pitiful me, I'm all alone..."  I'm not, not at all.  I believe I'm single because God wants me all to Himself right now.  He wants my focus, my attention, my all. He's making me stronger!  He knows I'm not ready to be shared.  That's my 2 cents.  :)

So folks till my next rant, lol...Be great...Be YOUtiful, oh and don't hold anyone up to a higher standard then anyone else.

Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be. -John Ortberg

1 John 1:9 (NIV) 
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

It's a birth Birthday!! :)

I did it!!  I got baptized!! It was just as amazing as I thought it would be.  I had a permanent smile on my face all day. I was ecstatic by my family and friends that showed up to be there for me.  Not one of them can even begin to understand how much that meant to me. Well maybe they can, because they were there, they took the time and effort to be there for me. Some rearranged their schedules to be there, one rushed out after her church service to be there, at least one drove quite a distance to be there and ALL of them made sure to stick around after I dried off and got warm clothes on to congratulate me.  There were several of us that got baptized that day, as I stood there waiting for my turn, I looked out into the crowd and I realized just how many were there to celebrate with me. They would look my way and give a big smile, I even got a few thumbs-up!  I thought I would be embarrassed to have all eyes on me...side note: church was packed that day!!, but I wasn't embarrassed or nervous at all.  I was excited, I was proud to be standing there in front of so many, publicly proclaiming my love and devotion for Jesus Christ.

Last spring when I mentioned to my friends that I was going to start church hopping there was just one friend that suggested I check out Pine Hills Church (PHC).  She wasn't a regular of PHC, in fact she had only been there one time, but she enjoyed it enough to suggest it to me. Sunday after my baptism I was standing around talking with another friend and there she was!!...the friend that had suggested PHC to me so many months ago.  I grew up with this girl, from grade school on up we were friends.  I don't think I've seen her since High School, but we have kept in touch via facebook. She didn't know I was getting baptized that day, in fact, this was the first time she had been back to PHC since her first visit there last spring. She said she looked up at the screen, saw my name and was like, "Hey, I know her!"  Lol...I couldn't have been more thrilled to see her.

It really was one of the best days ever.  Many of us went out to dinner after church for my birthday, my actual birth day that is, lol. Here they are all looking nice and I'm in my swooshie pants, hoodie, wet hair, smeared mascara and a hat on, out to celebrate my birthday!! It was great!! I even came home to a cold house, furnace wasn't working, and wouldn't you know it, they were calling for an ice storm that day! I got frustrated for about 10 minutes, then it just left me. I called the technician, put on warmer clothes, curled up under a blanket, put my smile back on and watched TV.  It was only about 2 hours total before it was fixed and we had heat again.  Whew!!  Thank God for a little change in my pocket (ok, maybe more then a little) and  for Sunday workers!! :)

Who woulda thunk it?  A year ago or even last spring I never would have thought I would have been baptized or even wanted to, not yet anyway. It never meant that much to me. I was definitely never moved by watching others get baptized either, but like I mentioned in my last post, I was thrilled and brought to tears to watch my friend get baptized.  I surely didn't realize what it meant before or what a huge step it was in my walk with God. I knew it was commanded in the Bible, but I thought of it more as a nice gesture then anything else.  Not only is it commanded, but it's also a way to show my family and friends how in love with Jesus I am and that Jesus is my life!!  

I already have more to talk about, so maybe I'll get 2 blogs in this week. :)

Till next time...Have a great week...Be YOUtiful and if you have snow, be thankful you have shelter, warm clothes and the sight to see it and even the strength to shovel it!! :)

“Baptism separates the tire kickers from the car buyers.”  ~ Max Lucado

(haha, I love this!:)

Acts 2:38 NIV

... “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Your path or mine...

This past week for reasons I won't go into right now, I've felt the need to get on my knees and pray about something specific. So how do we know God's plan? How do we know if it's God controlling the situation or if it's us? Have I forgotten to, "Let go and let God!?" Is it just me that questions myself, my decisions, or is that something we all do? Ya know before I became a follower of God I didn't question my decisions, as much.  I would at times think about how my choices would affect my kids (not often enough though) or my spouse (when I was married), and even my parents, family and/or friends, but when it came down to it, it was my decision, my choice. Well those times are gone. It's not about me anymore, well it never was, I just didn't realize that. It's about God, about what He has planned for me and my life. Each and every time I say a prayer I always try to remember to ask Him the same thing..."prepare me God for what you are preparing me for." I don't know what that is going to be, but in the mean time, "Lord, can you please let me know, somehow, someway, that I am making the right decisions?!!" There's my rant for now.

This past fall I started thinking about getting baptized.  A couple of weeks ago I looked around at church to see if there was anything posted about when the next baptism was going to be. I couldn't find anything.  The following week Pastor Mike started a new series called, "Next Step." Well our next step could be one of many things, but I knew mine was baptism. He mentioned that for the next 3 weeks we would be having baptism for any that felt led to do so. The last of the 3 weeks just happens to be on my birthday and it's a weekend that my daughter will be with me.  "Hey Stephanie, here's your sign!" So on the 27th of this month I will be going through believers baptism. Yea!! I'm pretty excited about it.  It feels good to know I'm taking the next step that God has led me to do. I wish it was always this easy to see His plans for me though.  So what if I'm shown my next step and I fight it? Well here's a few things I learned in church today.  Instead of listening to what God says...we tend to say, "...but I thought...", "...but I can't...", "...no, I won't..." I haven't done bullet points in awhile, or asterisk cause I can't find bullets on my laptop, lol.

When we say...
*I thought: well that causes uncertainty
*I can't: causes fear, anxiety
*I won't: let's face it, that's clearly Pride!!

When we let go and let God our uncertainty becomes certainty; our fear becomes faith; and our pride becomes humility.  Then Pastor Mike said something that hit home and being the cry baby that I seem to be lately, also made me tear up. He said that we may be the next step for someone else. That goes back to my questions at the beginning of this entry.  How do I know?  I feel I could be the next step for someone and that's a big part of what I've been questioning of myself this week. I just don't know if my time on my knees praying is giving me my answer from God or if it's ME answering myself. All I can do is continue to pray about it, continue to have faith and continue to believe and trust in God.

Back to baptism for a minute.  Remember the Connections class that I talked about back in October/November that I was going to?  There were about 14 of us in that class and I am thrilled to be able to call all of them friend. Well today one of us got baptized !! Not only were most of us there to witness this but we sat with him during service and then stood up with him while he went through the whole thing.  That was one of the most fantastic things I have ever been a part of!!  Of course yours truly cried, haha.  I just can't seem to quit crying, good tears of course.

Tah-tah for now.  Have a fantastic week...Be great...Be YOUtiful !!

Psalm 86:11 Teach me, Lord, what you want me to do, and I will obey you faithfully; teach me to serve you with complete devotion. (GNT)

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)