Wait...what?

Hi, it's me again.
If you're single you can probably relate, if you're not, think back to when you were. Why is it when you tell people that you're single, they look at you or respond like it's a bad thing?  Do they realize how annoying that is?   Maybe I should get a shirt that says, "I'm single, GET OVER IT!!" or, "I'm single, because I WANT TO BE!!"or maybe, "It's not about my timing, it's about His timing!" but then I would have even more idiots asking me, "Uhhh, who's he?"  Grrr!!  There's always someone who thinks it's a compliment to say, "You're to cute to be single."  Are you serious??  Here's one of my favorites, "You're single? Why? Is there something wrong with you?" I'd like to slap 'em right upside the head, but instead I just smile and say something polite and/or funny.  Well first of all, I've been married AND divorced, unfortunately more then once. Even typing that I felt myself hang my head low. Sigh...

Here are my some of my thoughts on it...
NOT one of my past relationships was ever centered around God. Sure there are many marriages that last that aren't, but I'm the poster child for relationships that don't work because of this reason. As you know, I committed my life to Christ last Spring and when I did I asked God to forgive me of all my past sins, I continue to ask Him this daily.  He didn't forgive just some of my sins and not others. He forgave ALL of them and He keeps no record of wrong. Whew!!  2 Corinthians 7:10, Godly sorrow leads to repentance which leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.  Oh how true is that!  And that's just it...at times I'm consumed with guilt because of how it looks to the world, how it looks in mans eyes, not Gods.  God already forgot, He already forgave me.  Yet when it comes up in conversation (which I try to avoid this topic) I feel shame, I feel embarrassed, I feel like a failure!! I think you can literally hear the wheels in my head turning, trying desperately to think of a way to redirect the conversation. Feelings like that make it easy for the enemy to attack me. I can't let him! Not only did God love me way before I turned to Him, He sent His Son to DIE FOR ME long before there even was a me. I get tired of hearing, "...but your past made you who you are."  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it! For some reason my head is so thick I had to go through what I went through to get where I am now, to get where I am as a Christ follower. I get it, I do, but telling me that doesn't make me feel any better about it.  I don't think it's so much guilt as it is what I stated earlier...shame, embarrassment...hurry and change the subject before I have to dig a hole to bury my head in, gulp...failure!!  Sin is sin!! There are no big sins, no little sins, God sees all sin the same.

My kids and I have always had a pretty open communication.  At times when they've been telling me things that they have done or were going to do, I would ask them, "Do I need to take my amnesia pill?"  Lol...it's much like that.  When I ask God to forgive me of my sins, He does forgive me and then He takes His amnesia pill and forgets. It's gone from His memory, vanished, vamoosed!!  When God forgives, He forgets!! :) If only we could all be more like that, myself included. I'd like to think I don't care what people think, but I am human and to say I don't care would be a lie.  In many things I don't, but in this case, I obviously do. I'd almost rather say I was a drug addict or addicted to porn then to admit I've had failed marriage(S)!! Think about it.  When you hear that someone was a drug addict that has accepted the Lord you hear, "Oh praise God...", but somehow I don't think if I were to talk openly about my failed marriages and how I have accepted Christ since then would I get the same response.

Wowzers!  All I was intending to talk about in this blog was why I'm single.  Uhhh, maybe it was meant for me to talk about all this???  Hmmm...
I'm not single because I am guarding my heart because of past hurts. I'm not single because I'm hard to get along with either, lol.  I'm single because that's God's plan for me right now.  It's not always easy being patient, waiting for God's next move in my life. I'm not even sure if God intends for me to meet a man and remarry, but I do know this...if God does have someone for me and when He says I'm ready, then it'll happen and not before.  I've taken it in my own hands my whole life, not anymore!!  That feeling of peace I mentioned before...yeah, it's still there.  Big time!  So don't get me wrong in thinking that I'm all, "whoa is me, poor, poor, pitiful me, I'm all alone..."  I'm not, not at all.  I believe I'm single because God wants me all to Himself right now.  He wants my focus, my attention, my all. He's making me stronger!  He knows I'm not ready to be shared.  That's my 2 cents.  :)

So folks till my next rant, lol...Be great...Be YOUtiful, oh and don't hold anyone up to a higher standard then anyone else.

Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be. -John Ortberg

1 John 1:9 (NIV) 
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.