Beginning to narrow it down...

Hey there.  You know those weekends when you look back at the past week and wonder where it went? Yeah, I had one of those weeks.  Do you ever have a week that you just can't wait for it to be over?  Yeah, I had one of those weeks too.  Do you ever feel so lonely that instead of reaching out you just want to crawl under a rock and ignore everyone?  Yeah, I had one of those weeks.  Do you ever think to yourself that maybe, just maybe you aren't meant to be happy?  Yeah, I had one of those weeks. Too personal? Yeah, probably. It's easy to pretend to be happy, it's easy to smile even when we don't want to and it's really easy to do both at the same time to avoid anyone asking you what's wrong.  Where do we look for happiness?  Well I can only speak for myself, but I tend to look for it in others. I enjoy being alone, even love being alone at times, but when it comes down to it I'd much rather have someone to share my time with (I think).  When you're alone for so long it's not easy to share your time and space with someone else, or is it? When we do have someone to count on it's easy to take that person for granted.  Sometimes I don't really realize how alone I am until I've had a really bad day or I get a phone call with bad news, or the kids are driving me crazy, etc...I look around and realize I have no one to vent to, no shoulder around to cry on, no arms around to hold me.  That's when the loneliness kicks in and with loneliness comes the feeling of being unhappy.  I have a friend that told me recently that he can tell when I'm happy.  He says, when I'm not happy he doesn't hear from me very often and when I'm happy I tend to call him more often. Huh, after thinking about that I realize it's true.  It's easy to hide what you're really feeling if you don't talk to anyone.  Well, now I'm getting way to personal and if anyone gets the bright idea to call me out on this loneliness thing, please don't, cause then I'll start ignoring your phone calls or text messages even more then I already do, lol.  :)

This weekend I decided to go to Central Church and I also decided it was time to start taking my daughter.  She's not your typical teenage girl. I wake her up close to an hour before we have to leave. About 5 minutes later she's ready and says, "When we leaving?"  Lol, gotta love that girl.  We get to church, sit down, look around and for the first time ever I notice all these cute little teenage boys walking around.  Where did they all come from?  I haven't seen them before.  So while we wait for church to start my daughter and I are like, "Oh look at him, he's cute. Oh so is he and him..."  Then I tell my daughter maybe I should decide what church to go to based on the amount of cute teenage boys, lol.  Then I tell her maybe she could get involved in the youth group.  She says, "Mother, I will go to church with you but I'm not going to go to youth group."  Hmm, "Well what if a cute boy ask you to go with him?"  "Well then I might go," she says.  Again...ya gotta love that girl.  I just realized I don't remember if we had the usual meet and greet.  I'm sure we did, cause every church in this hop has done it.  I think I'm just getting so use to it now that it doesn't bother me and I don't feel like it's totally taking me out of my comfort zone anymore.  In case you forgot, the pastor at Central is Pastor Jeremy.  I'm sure I've said it before, but I do really enjoy him.  He's doing a series on, "You might be surprised what Jesus says about..."   Well golly, guess what it was about this week??  Being HAPPY!!  Seriously !!  I did take notes, but looking at them now I notice I didn't take as many as usual.  I must have been really engrossed in his message.  Oh hey, guess what I did??  We were sitting in back (as usual) well at this church there is the back row, with lots of room for people to walk around behind the back row and then there is a row against the wall.  Well there were a couple of ladies talking and talking and whispering sitting in the row against the wall.  They were behind me and driving me CRAZY!!  So I very politely turn around and just smile at them.  I didn't say anything, didn't need too.  The look and smile was enough to let them know that they needed to hush, lol.  Yep, I'm one of those people.  Okay, back to the service. A few of my notes are:
*Happy people are dependent on God. ( I fail at this)
*Do I bring Him joy? ( Yes, but I can bring Him more)
*Are you dependent on God, all day, every day? ( Poo, I failed again)
Seriously, why do we always look for happiness everywhere but where we should?  I struggle with all 3 of these things on a daily basis.  I tell myself all the time that I am dependent on God, but if that were true then why do I find myself questioning or worrying about things that I shouldn't? Everything, absolutely everything about us and around us is from God.  Boy how I take advantage of that. How insulting it must be to Him when we look in the mirror and see everything we don't like about ourselves physically. He made us to be just the way we are inside and out. Goodness, I can't imagine putting that much thought into making something to only be insulted about it later.  I'd give up. Okay, I need to finish this up.  Next week I'll be attending Central Church again. I'd already made up my mind to attend there 2 weeks in a row and it just so happens that this past message on being happy is continued this coming week.  So that worked out well.

This blog has brought up some interesting conversations with friends. I'm really amazed at how many friends that say they aren't "religious" are reading this blog. This past week I really enjoyed talking with one friend about my search. He was raised with religion being forced down his throat and as he got older he went the total opposite way and wants nothing to do with it now.  One of the things he said to me last week was this,

I hope you find your place of worship, the key is not the place, but where you feel comfortable. Be you, period. If they love you, they will welcome you, if not, they can piss off. Just don't ever be anything other than who you are. You need to be loved for who you are, not what you can become. Not who you can make happy, but make yourself happy. You seem to be a pretty awesome human, you will make the right choice. I hope you find your happiness too, hope you find the love that you deserve from those who deserve to know you.  Much love!!!

No one can tell me that man is not spiritual. I would love to post our whole conversation but for obvious reasons I won't. Don't judge anyone for any reason, but this man is one that you really can't judge by his cover.  Rough on the outside but pure mush and gold on the inside. So with that...

Be great, Be YOUtiful and have a fantastic week !!

 Psalm 118:24 
"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

James 5:13 
"Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise." 

Still hopping

I'm still church hopping even though I haven't blogged about it for awhile.  I really enjoy writing down my experiences.  I've had a lot of, "a-ha" moments, and I've also had a few people say they miss reading about them.  So for those few people and for myself I'm going to do my best to keep up with it.  I'm really super excited to say that my church hopping and writing about it has helped a good friend of mine find a new home church.  I won't say which church he choose, but I'm really excited for him.  He's finding his way back to church and he thanked me for helping him do that.  I can't even begin to describe how thrilled I am for him.  I love hearing the enthusiasm in his voice about God, his faith and church.  So there's a major bonus that has come out of my church hopping.

I mentioned in the last blog that I have it narrowed down to two churches, Pine Hills and Central.  I've been going back and forth between the two and unfortunately, there is nothing pulling me towards one over the other.  I love everything about both churches.  Pine Hills will be moving in September and at that time they will be about 15 minutes farther from me then they are now Which is a real bummer, but I heard when they move they will have a slushie machine. Instead of singing my heart out with coffee breath, I could be singing with blue teeth and a blue tongue.  :) 

I've been to so many services since I last blogged I'm not sure which one to talk about.  How about I talk about the 2 that have really stuck in my head.  Ya know those church services that you go to and you could swear the Pastor must have been spying on you all week to know exactly what YOU needed to hear? Yeah, that seems to happen to me a lot lately. A few weeks ago I went to Pine Hills and the message was about marriage.  Ugh!!  I'm not even married so why would I want to sit and listen to a message about it??!!  Wowzers!! I loved it.  I took so many notes I ran out of room and had to find something else to write on. I really wish I would have blogged that week so I could fill this one up on just that one service, but I have another one to talk about so I won't do that to you. Here are a few of my notes though: 

*Marriage is a covenant not a contract. -A covenant is for the other person.  -A contract is for yourself. 

   -Contracts are temporary. -A covenant is unconditional love.  Not "If-thens!"  "IF" you do this, "THEN" I will do that. (this girl...guilty)  

*Don't be a file cabinet forgiver.  I think most of us have been guilty of this.  We tend to tell someone they are forgiven but at a later time we bring it back up.  That's not forgiveness.  All that's doing is letting the other person know that you can't be trusted.  "I'll forgive you, but if I ever get the chance you better believe I will bring it back up again!"  Alright Pastor Mike, you can quit talking to me now. You know what else Pastor Mike said?? He tells the married couples to have sex often and enjoy it.  Did I just hear an "Amen" from someone in the back? lol  I could go on and on about this service but I have another one to talk about. 

Last week I went to Central. On my way to church I was ready to snap, I was so angry at someone.  Had what happened any other time then when I was on my way to church it would have been ugly.  I was pushed to the limit and wanted to lash out at this person. I fought back tears as I walked into church, the whole time telling myself, "2 can play this game."  Well goodness gracious...here we go again.  Pastor Jeremy was talking directly to me.  What's with these guys? How do they do that? All I can say is, "Thank you God." The message was on the difference between being proud and being humble. The whole service spoke to me and yeah, I took many notes again.  As proud humans what's the first thing we tend to do when someone hurts us? Stomps on us? Attacks our ego?  I for one find it easier to lash back out at them AND defend myself. Come on now, we're not suppose to let someone attack us like that are we?  So here's what I learned and once again, perfect timing.  When someone stomps on our ego, continue to praise them and not defend ourselves.  I really wish I would have blogged this week as well. I could fill this blog up on this message. So in other words...I didn't play anyone's game. I didn't lash out.  I thought about it.  I prayed about it. Some people may see this as a sign of weakness but it's actually just the opposite. Not defending yourself when spoken badly about or retaliating with harsh words of your own is the easy thing to do. It takes strength to praise them and/or walk away. The situation I was in would have ended up so much worse had I went with my first instinct of hurting someone because they hurt me. It wouldn't have solved anything and I personally would have felt so much worse.  A few weeks ago I said on facebook, "It's easy to be nice to people we like. It takes skill to be nice to people we don't like." Oh how very true.  So I'll continue to work on being kind and humble.  It's so much more rewarding !!  

Thanks for sticking around and reading my blog.  I'm not sure which one of the two churches I will be attending next week.  I have contacted both of the churches to inquire about their Life Groups. I'm looking forward to being more involved with a church and that includes being in a small group bible study. So hopefully I will hear back from both of them soon about the different groups that they have to offer. 

Be great,  Be YOUtiful and Enjoy your week !! :)

"You can't brag that your humble and be humble." 

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. -James 4:10